Voice: A Memoir
Well, this memoir is important to tell, because I need to be heard. When people don't have a voice, to speak out, I think I can be that voice! How might I be that voice?
"I know Mom, I'll do my chores, after I finish my drawing," I mumbled to her. "Geez, why do I have to do my damn chores, can't she wait?!" I thought. Then I asked myself , "why can't she see that I need a voice to say what I want" I wondered to myself but, it kept me wondering. "Oh well, I guess I should do my chores." that night, I did my chores, which are set table, clear dishwasher, tidy living room, clean kitty litter and feed cat half a cup of food, and that's it.
After I did my chores, I went up to my room which has white walls, and on the walls I have a pictures I drew. One of the drawings on the wall is Hatsune Miku; her voice is inspiring me to speak up about how I feel about myself. Another favorite artist of mine is Bea Miller, because you can hear her messages in her songs. One of her songs called "Paper Doll" is talking about how she got push around and how she's not just a paper doll. she's human. and she spoke up by writing a song.
As I was sitting in my bedroom, writing a song called "My Life," I realized that my life is easier than most people's. Here's one line from "My Life"; "Go to hell, that's what people say in this reality." I don't suffer from bullying, but I can imagine how hard it is.
I also wonder "how can I be heard?" I don't want to be known as that quiet, shy nerd girl. I want people to hear me sing about my struggles and other's. I want to fit in. I don't want to be different from others. And I want a voice. I want to sing, sing my songs out, not keep them in.
Sometimes, I worry about not fitting in with other teens. I mean, is it okay to change who you are? And, is it okay to not be the real you? I mean, in one of my songs, called "My Life," one verse is "Do you feel like you're about to break down?" "Do you feel like you're trying to get away?" Do you feel like you're all alone?"
When I was in third grade, I felt alone. I wanted a voice, but it would not come out. I remember wanting to be heard, to have a voice to speak out. When I was shy I would normally not talk or raise my hand. Than one day Ms.Blackburn called on me, "Patima, you're up." I just sat there, "can you tell me what twelve times three is?" Ms.Blackburn asked me. "I..is i..it t..t..twenty f..four?" I stuttered. "No Patima" then I slouched nervously. After Math Ms. Blackburn asked me to stay. We talked about how to help me try not be as shy. Ms. Blackburn helped me have a voice when I was in third grade. Ms. Blackburn was form Raskob by Holy Names University. She inspired my voice by telling me to speak out when I thought, "I am quiet, I am a nerd." However Ms.B taught me that it is ok to have flaws. "I am shy and that's okay because everyone has flaws like stuttering like me and maybe someone thinks bad about themselves."
When I was in third grade I sometimes wonder, "why do people have flaws?" "Why do people make mistakes?" "I mean, I know why people make mistakes, but why do we have flaws?" I keep wondering this question in my head. I remember thinking, "why am I different from others?" Then I thought "maybe i am different" I questioned myself. Then I went downstairs to ask my mom. "Mom?" "Yes, Sweetie?" "I was wondering why I am different from others about, Mommy?," I asked. "Because you have a brain condition, that's why, Honey." "Oh okay, what is a brain condition?" I asked. "Well, a condition is when your brain works differently, okay, Sweetie?" she asked. "Okay, Mommy." Then after that I went up stairs to my bedroom.
Now, I am thinking about my future in Berkeley High and how I can be that voice.
For my future I want to be involved with clubs, school activity. Right now, I realize that I can change. I want to change and "I can be that voice." " I can be that voice for others who don't have that voice to speak up for what they believe in." "So what if I am a nerd. " So what if I am shy." "So what if I am shy, so what." But I now know, that I have a voice. I know that I am special. I can be afraid of what's ahead, but now I know that I have the voice. People always have a voice inside them, but they need to find their own voice for themselves, but they will need help along the way. I found my voice with some help along the way.
The End is just the beginning for me.
I know that I have a long life ahead, and I have that voice in me.
