Preface
We all carry these things inside that no one else can see.
They hold us down like anchors. They drown us out at sea.
I look up to the sky, there may be nothing there to see.
But if I don't believe in him, why would he believe in me?
Why would he believe in me?
[Chelsea Smile- Bring Me The Horizon]
Chapter 1 - The beginning of a new day.
September 18, 2008.
I looked up to the sky, noticing the grey clouds looming above me like an omnipresent doom. Trying to shove the thoughts of trouble, and havoc away, I continued down Idle Road. Towards my new found school. Black Woods Private School. Exciting, no? I choose the no. This school is just a bunch of prepped up, faked out, blonde barbies. And there little man whores to go with them. I don't fit in with them. No my hair is neither blonde, nor brown. But A shade of grueling crimson. My eyes a deep purple. I don't act like a priss, nor do I want to be fucked every three minutes. See, High school is just a bunch of pretty lies. Tall tales of girls, and the high fiving of perverted boy's. There's no meaning, no class. It's ridiculous, but an inescapable part of life. And to say we have freewill! I believe they are contradicting themselves. Freewill? In high school? That is a joke. You don't get to run your own life in the midsts of a bunch of hormonal teenagers, they control you. And if your not strong enough, they take control of you and before you know it. You are no better then them. You look the same, act the same, talk to the same. It never ends. A continuing cycle of torture. Oh, but if only they knew the real meaning of tortured. The searing pain. The screams and the cries. I should know. I've been through it. And that's what sets me apart from these dick sucking freaks. I know about life. I know you never get what you wish for, daddy's credit card isn't going to pay for your sorrow. Drugs aren't going to make you feel better. Sex isn't going to last long enough to make you feel happy. Life is just torture. Pure, heartless torture.
Day's like theses, are day's I could disappeared. When I just wished that I could be invisible. Just to see but not be seen. For a change. To do something I want without being judged. I have a lot of opinions. I can't voice them, in fear of being rejected. I can't write them down, in fear of being laughed at. I can't think them, in fear of hating myself.
I walked up the stone steps towards the towering building. The letters Black Oaks, in capitals spread across the middle, with small metal leaves winding themselves through them. I slipped through the large oak doors, almost falling when my slicked up converse hit the waxed floor. The black white and red checkering pattern stretching on for what seems like miles. I noticed I was getting the inevitable stares, me being the new girl and all. I ran a hand through my blood red hair, and my eyes searching the roaming stares. Down to my bare legs, that were barely covered by the fucking skirt that the school made me wear. I stared the wandering eyes down until they looked away. My expressionless mask hasn't left. It hadn't left since three years ago. I don't even remembering smiling since then. Oh well, emotions are over rated. They only hurt you in the end.
"Why Hello there. How come I haven't met you before." I heard a deep, sleek voice from behind me. I turned my small frame around to be face to chest with a really tall guy. His, probably, 6'6'' towering over my small 5'5''. But my damn chest only a few centimeters from his stomach. I hate having big boobs. I took a step back, and looked up into his eyes. Getting him to give that involuntary gasp when ever someone saw my eyes. He quickly composed himself, his muscles under his tight white button up shirt flexing. His tan skin stretching out over his huge hands, his perfect face looking down with amusement on my porcelain white one.
"I'm new." I said simply. Not one for long conversation. Not seeing the need in it. I was about to turn around when he caught my arm. He yanked his hand back, definitely feeling the shock I felt. But me being able to hide my emotions so well, just looked up at him with a board expression.
"Oh. Where are you from." he asked. Trying to think clearly. By now, a group of testosterone driven boys came up behind him, and I instantly new he was going to be a player. The 'womanizer' If you will. The one who throws away girls like they are nothing but lint on his shirt. I was very angered by this, and a flash of it flowed through my eyes. He looked away for a second, probably realizing my anger.
"None of your fucking business." I said, my slight roman accent making him smile. He folded his arms in front of his shirt, as a few boy's in the back laughed. I also saw some of those nasty glares that are typical when you talk to the 'hottest' guy in the school. Personally, I don't see what they see in him. He just looked like an over worked jock with an expensive face. Nothing new, or fancy to me. I do believe they are all just in it for the bragging rights. " I don't need this." I said spinning around on my heal, and of coarse, running into one of the plastic bitches herself. I heard her crash on the ground, as I looked down on her, unharmed. Thankful of the six years of the boxing, my muscles bigger than some boys. But again thankfully, they weren't visible till I flexed. I extended one small hand to her, and she snapped it away with one of her claws. Leaving a scratch. It was bleeding. Bitch.
"Watch where you going new girl" She sneered at me, that stereo-typical prep voice booming out her over used voice boxes. Cheerleader probably. Go figure. " You don't know who your messing with." She laughed at me again. And this time I pushed her down on my own free will. Causing more attention than necessary on my first day, but I don't let anyone talk to me like that without my consent. Like I would ever give that.
"And YOU don't know who your messing with." I growled at her, not a real growl but pretty damn impressive. She actually looked scared, and I laughed one viscous humorless laugh and walked away. Leaving a hotting pack of boy's and a crying screaming horde of cheerleaders at the assistance, of what I assume, of the queen bee. A.K.A Head cheerleader. I looked back once more, too see the guy who talked to me earlier looking at me with a devilish expression. Ouch, was that supposed to hurt, or scare me? Either way, I smiled victoriously at him and kept walking through commotion towards the first class of my day.
'Nice Entrance Crimson.' I told myself as I entered room 567, history with Mr. Heartily. A creepy old man who smelled of cheese, and text books. What an exciting year to come.
