dedicated to...

2

I hung up with Sky's mom.

How?

She overdosed on 40+ pain killers.

When?

Approximately around noon.

Why?

I should know... but I don't. This had to be a dream. A nightmare. I look back at my phone and start going through the 42 messages. I was sitting on my bed because I couldn't stand anymore.

Most of them were from Sky's mom trying to get a hold of me since one o'clock. There were only three from Sky.

AssHat:

I miss you.

I need you.

I love you.

That's when it happened. Everything in me fell. I couldn't breathe without sobbing. I screamed. How could she do this to me? I loved her! I still do, she cant be gone! No, it can't be real.

Everything went black, it was as if my mind blanked out but I knew my body was doing things I had no power of.

I was breathing heavily when I finally realized I was in the middle of my room with everything torn to shreds.

My books were skattered all across the floor, my school papers were ripped in half, everything that was once on my desk was now either broken or just lying on the floor.

"Oh my god," I hear a voice.

I turn to see my mom in my doorway.

"Mom," I croak.

"Oh baby," she whispers, coming to me with open arms.

I wrap my arms around her neck and nuzzle my face into the crook of her neck as my crying becomes louder.

"Baby, you need to breathe," She reminds me as she continues to my back soothingly.

"S-Sky I-I.... s-she's g-g-gone," I manage to get out in between each sob.

My mom tightens her grip around me and slowly moves us so that we were sitting on my bed still hugging. More so me, just leaning into her and crying.

After what seemed like an hour of crying, no more tears were falling from my eyes. I was just in pain, all over. Everything hurt.

Is this what a broken heart feels like?

It fucking hurt like hell.

Every time I seemed to get my breathing back to normal I'd start hyperventilating again.

I took a deep breath.

"Sky committed suicide," I croak, my voice hoarse from all the tears.

"Robin, she told me as soon as I came home. I left my phone off during work." Robin was Sky's mom. I couldn't handle this. Everything seemed darker without her.

"Mom?" I whisper, sitting up so I could see her. It looked like she had been crying too.

"Yes, sweetheart?" She whispers back, rubbing off some of my running mascara.

"Can w-we go to the funeral?" God how could words hurt so fucking much?

"Of course love, I already got off work. And baby you don't have to go to school until you're ready. We'll leave as soon as possible, okay? How's that sound?" She smiles reassuringly.

All I could do was nod.

Where did this come from? I was just texting her less than a week ago. She was still alive, she was still my best friend and now... now she's gone.

My mom and I ended up cleaning my room. I apologized dozens of times for losing control but my mom said it was okay. I lost it, I couldn't imagine a world without Sky and now I'm living in it. I got so mad. She left me, with no signs at all. Or did she? School just started and we've both been busy lately but I would've still noticed if Sky wasn't okay... wouldn't I?

Was this my fault? She needed me most and I was fucking grounded. She needed me most and I wasn't even there to help. Oh my god...

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I didn't eat dinner that night or anything for that matter until my mom forced me to Sunday morning.

Our flight to Pennsylvania was today, Sunday, and only had four hours, but my mom instisted I eat something before we get on board.

"Gate A14 now boarding."

"That's us." My mom says, standing up from her seat. I grab my bag and stand up, following her to the woman checking tickets.

"Have a nice flight!" She smiles and I almost gag. How could people be so happy when such horrible things happen in life?

We walk onto the plane and my mom gives me the window seat. Normally on this flight I'd be so happy because I'd be getting close to seeing my best friend. But this... this was too much.

"Excuse me," I say to my mom as I make my to the back of the plane to the unoccupied restroom.

I start sobbing, there hasn't been a day I haven't since I received the news about Sky. I couldn't help but think that this could've been my fault. I look down at my wrist, they had old scars on them. Sky helped me stop. She stopped me from killing myself time and time again. It only took one time for me to fuck up and now she's dead.

I don't understand, we haven't thought about suicide since three years ago. What happened? Why didn't she tell me? Maybe I could've helped, maybe I was the problem.

I awoke from my thoughts by a knock on the door.

"Luna is that you?" I hear my mothers voice laced with consern.

I wipe my cheeks before opening the door and walking past her back to our seats.

I sit down and pull out my headphones and close my swollen eyes. If I sleep maybe everything will go away, there's a small chance I won't wake up... I'll take it.

As we lifted off from the ground, I suddenly remembered that the last three times I came to visit Sky, I'd send her picture of my view of the ground when lifting off. I whip out my phone and take a picture, quickly sending the photo her. Yeah, she won't see it but I haven't really excepted the fact that's she's gone.

I put my phone in my pocket after blasting the volume too high.

Then sleep.

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A/n:

It makes me so sad that Luna actually thinks this is her fault. Comment what you think! Don't forget to favorite lovelies!!!

Love,
Sam