The Anatomy of Our Almosts

Almost 1. University of the Philippines

Let us always meet each other with a smile

For the smile is the beginning of love.

- Mother Teresa

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I'm never good at introductory speeches, I suck at beginnings but then I tend to reek the mad ones, yung tipo ng beginning na wiwindang sa utak ko ng mga ilang araw.

Once I was told that you can spot a good movie when you watch it once and it didn't leave your thoughts for a good three days, and same goes with a good book, reading the epilogue and closing it one last time would make you feel like you've lost a friend, at least that's what they told me.

Anyways, I am always up for that kind of beginnings, yung magmamarka, yung magiiwan ng impresyon, yung masasabi kong 'wow', weirdly I'm not easily impressed, I'm constantly looking for something far more interesting than the façade. Siguro produkto na din ng pagiging anak ng isang army officer, strict mother figure, at tatlong successful professional na nakatatandang kapatid na lahat ay nagtapos sa UP.

Ang hirap palang maging bunso, all this time I thought I'm the most favored, pampered ako kasi bunso eh, laging napagbibigyan, pero as you get older, isa isa din palang lalabas yung pressures and stress na pilit nilang hindi ibinigay sayo nung bata ka.

Anjan na yung pressure na hindi ka pa gumagraduate ng highschool pero ang tanong na sayo eh kung kelan ka mageexam sa UP, anong kursong kukunin mo, at kung worth it ba ang kursong yun para maihanay sa doctor, dentist at professor mong mga kapatid.

Well when I was younger, I'm an egotistic loser, sobrang bilib ko sa sarili ko eh, kaya sinabi ko ng tahasang, mag-aabogado ako when I was still in highschool, kasi akala ko yung pagaabogado nakukuha sa pag debate lang at out smarting someone. I was naïve, stupid maybe, but then my parents took me seriously, nagmarka sa isip nilang in the future magkakaroon sila ng Atty. Glaiza Galura.

So I tried escaping them, escaping my responsibilities as a daughter and as a student, after high school graduation I pleaded my parents that I won't start college right away, I wanted rest and time to reflect if I really do want to be a lawyer. I even took the liberty to ran away, nagrebelde ako sa mga magulang ko, napasama sa mga barkadang paniguradong hindi papasa sa standards ng family ko as acceptable Filipino citizens, but I didn't care I ran away, I experienced being drunk going to sleep and still drunk when I wake up, I got myself inked, yun yung pinaka-ikinagalit nila sakin, and my wrist tattoo became the constant reminder to never be a failure ever again.

So for my first mad beginning, I was awkwardly standing in front of the oblation statue, tinitignan ko kung anong magiging future ko, magiging kagaya ba ako ng lalakeng nakatayo sa harap ko, nakadipa at nakatingala sa langit na sabi ng google at ni ate Cris is a meaning of selflessness for the country. It struck me as something so noble, which shook me, nangatog ako sa unang araw ko sa UP.

In reality naman kasi ang gusto ko lang sumulat ng kanta, tula, istorya, at kumanta, pero sabi nila ate, nanay at tatay, wala daw buhay dun, so my rejected ideals of being an artist naglaho nalang kalaunan, yung alab kusa kong pinatay. Kasi ayokong magmukhang failure ulit sa linya ng mga kapatid ko at sa mga mata ng nanay at tatay namin.

This is my first almost, akala ko kasi hindi naman ganun kahirap yung pinasok ko, kasi nagawa naman ng mga ate ko. Pero kung mahirap palang makapasok sa UP, once you're in mas mahihirapan kang lumabas. Oh diba sinong hindi mangangatog, wala pa man din napangunahan ka na. Hindi pa nga nangyayari parang malalasahan mo na yung kahopian.