Thoughts

Blue

I remember that summertime when it's hot in the day and cold in the night. Still jetlagged, I decided to do whatever my mind wanted me to do, and not giving a s*** about whatever the time was then.

It was almost midnight and my brother, his friend & I were playing tetris. My parents told me to sleep as soon as possible because the next day we were going to travel somewhere.

Every parents' job is to tell their child to sleep early. As a child, my job is to disobey their words.

So I did what a child would usually do. (I GAVE AWAY THE SPOILER BECAUSE I'M KIND HAHAHAHA)

I was laying down on the sofa, trying to sleep. But I just couldn't, there were these thoughts that creeped into my mind and heart at wrong times. I remembered the song I heard on the radio, and it reminded me of him. The song was one of my summer favourites, I fell in love with the song the first time I heard it and it was stuck on my head afterwards. As soon as that thought floated on my mind my tear glands decided to ruin the moment and secreted the tears that I'd been holding back for a long time.

I couldn't sleep.

The whole room was dark and I could see the night sky clearly. Damn, it was filled with denim blue with few stars here and there. I was on vacation, I knew that I would only get this view once in a million years. My usual hectic and crazy days will tire my body and I won't have be able to enjoy this view. I need sleep. But that day, my mixed feelings didn't help in resting my body.

Those who know me very well will know how much I cherish sleeping. No, that night made me decide to embrace the view and the mess my heart had. I guess that was an act of acceptance with an attempt on finding the perks I had.

I knew that I need to calm myself down, so I reached out to take my phone and start looking through my social media stuff. I found an article talking about this man who had cancer due to his smoking addiction.

Addiction. He was the addiction that kept me awake that night.

Anyways the man decided to share his life story on being addicted to smoking and the consequences he had to face.

Ah, with action comes consequences.

Apparently the ex smoker didn't manage to beat the cancer in him, he passed away fighting the battle.

All because of an addiction.

Could he kill me? Maybe.
He killed my thoughts
He killed the balance in my emotions
He killed my mentality

And I was there trying to find sanity in me. Through that article I started to look for the man's facebook account to see if the things written on the article were true. And they were. Life is short, that's what I'd learnt.

And in this short life he won't be the one. I'm still trying to accept the reality. Still trying to live in the present and trying to ensure that the past won't haunt me.

That's why I was awake that night. I was (or maybe still) blue, like the night sky.

******
THIS IS SO DAMN PERSONAL WHY DID I POST IT HERE WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME BUT WHATEVER
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS PIECE .
I WAS AWAY FROM WATTPAD BECAUSE:
•I WAS UNINSPIRED
•BUSY
•I NEED TO TAKE A BREAK

SO THERE YOU GO GUYS I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS CRAPPY PIECE OF WRITING.
🎶2 AM by Astrid S🎶