35 Last Days

Day 1

DAY 1-

Niall,

Today was day one without you. A day without you was a living hell. I can't picture what the rest of my life without you is going to be like...

I hope you can see this from above because I want you to know everything I am about to write and will write.

I sat at home today cooped up in my room in the corner. I didn't even go out for food. I had lost my appetite I suppose. My phone had buzzed every now and then but I was still to traumatized to get up from the corner which I loved.

I don't know what time it was nor do I care but I cracked. I wasn't the brave girl I promised you I would be when you left me. I cracked. I had my knees tucked up to my chest, my chin resting in between them. I felt a drop of water slide down my leg. I hadn't even realized I was crying. My mind had been blank most of the day. Then another drop and another drop. Soon enough I sat there sobbing and coughing. I choked on my own tears a couple of times and at one point I couldn't open my eyes because I was crying so hard.

I thought back to al those times. I remember our one year anniversary as boyfriend and girlfriend. We say up gazing at the stars and you spoke exactly these words "when I leave you promise me you'll like a happy life. Promise..." You grabbed my hand and looked me in the eye and I nodded.

I love you Niall but today I had to break that promise. I will never be happy again without you. Ever. I will never fall in love. I will never leave this room ever again.

My hand is cramping now Niall so I'm going to stop writing for today. I love you so much. Maybe tomorrow will be better? Who knows.