I had no reason to be at this Halloween party.
None.
No mission.
No contract.
No enemy intelligence.
Not even a proper disguise.
I simply woke up one evening, looked outside, saw that it was Halloween, and thought:
"Why not?"
So I put on my finest suit, adjusted my tie, lit a cigarette, and walked into town.
The streets were filled with children dressed as ghosts, witches, vampires, superheroes, and various things I did not recognize.
I walked past a skeleton.
He stared at me.
I stared back.
"Nice costume," he said.
"Thank you," I replied.
"It isn't a costume."
He immediately walked away.
I decided not to question it.
Eventually, I found a Halloween party taking place inside an old house.
There were pumpkins everywhere. Fake cobwebs hung from the ceiling. Someone had placed a plastic skeleton in the kitchen.
I entered.
Nobody noticed.
Excellent.
I poured myself a drink and stood in the corner like a normal French gentleman.
Then someone screamed.
I sighed.
Of course.
A vampire jumped out from behind a curtain.
Everyone ran.
I remained where I was.
The vampire looked at me.
I looked at him.
"You are supposed to be frightened," he said.
"I am French."
He paused.
"...Fair enough."
He walked away.
Then I heard footsteps behind me.
I turned.
It was a man wearing a ridiculous pumpkin mask.
"BOO!"
I punched him in the face.
He fell onto the couch.
The entire room became silent.
I looked around.
"What?"
A woman pointed at me.
"YOU JUST PUNCHED A PUMPKIN!"
"Yes."
"WHY?!"
"He frightened me."
"But you didn't even flinch!"
"I was frightened internally."
The pumpkin man sat up.
"That actually hurt."
I adjusted my tie.
"My apologies."
Then the lights suddenly went out.
Everyone screamed again.
I remained perfectly calm.
A voice whispered from somewhere in the darkness:
"Tonight... Halloween will never be the same..."
I sighed.
"Wonderful."
The lights came back on.
A large bowl of candy had disappeared from the table.
Everyone stared at me.
I stared at everyone.
"You think I stole the candy?"
Nobody answered.
I slowly pulled my cigarette from my mouth.
"I am a professional spy."
I pointed toward the empty bowl.
"If I wanted your candy, you would never have known it was missing."
Everyone nodded.
"...That does not actually help your case."
"Fair."
I left the party.
I walked home under the moonlight, cigarette glowing between my fingers.
I still had no idea why I had gone to Halloween.
But at least I had gotten free candy.
I reached into my coat.
There was one chocolate bar inside.
I smiled.
Perhaps Halloween wasn't so bad after all.
Then I heard a voice behind me.
"BOO!"
I immediately pulled out my knife.
"...I hate Halloween."
The pumpkin man ran away screaming.
I smiled.
"Happy Halloween."
And for absolutely no reason whatsoever...
I went back to the party.
