Self Death

Why?

TW: Self-harm, suicidal thoughts, murder, blood, (maybe) slurs, and death!!! Plz dont continue if ur sensitive or uncomfortable with such topics!! Luv uu guys!! <3

And if you have suicidal thoughts or do sh, just know, I love you, even if you're a stranger, I've struggled with the same problems and still do, it'll be alright in the end. I promise.



_______________________________________________________


Turquoise stared at the blank page of his journal, tears hitting the page. He sniffles, his shoulders rose then fell, he trembled. Why couldn't he just write about his feelings? What was holding him back? He didn't even know the answers to his own questions. He finally closed the small book and opened a drawer, tossing the book into it. He let out a deep sigh and stood up from his desk, quickly wiping his tears. He stood up from his desk, the back of his legs knocking back the chair, he didn't even bother to pick it back up, he just walked over to his bed and sat down on it. He glances down at his legs, a sudden sharp fear shot through his chest as he felt the urge to grab a razor, his hand gripped the sheets and his breath became shaky. He squeezed his eyes shut and laid down on the bed. He finally fell asleep, after a painful while, his breathing was slowed and he was finally at peace for once.

*RING!!!*

???

*RING!!!!*

!!!

He shot up, it was his alarm clock that had been ringing. He looked over at the time, he was late for school, great. He shut his alarm off and stood up, grabbing his leather jacket off his chair and tugging it on, he didn't bother to brush his hair or teeth, just went straight out the door towards his car. He sat in the driver's seat and tugged his converse on before closing the door and buckling up, he paused for a moment and took in a breath, just taking in the quiet. A cat suddenly jumped onto the hood of his car, his eyebrows arch out of irritation, he lays his hand on the horn and honked it, the cat jumped and scurried off, he rolled his eyes and started the car, then backed out of the drive way, driving towards the school he was dreading to go to everyday, the bullying, the loudness, it was all so draining, hell, it was hard to get out of bed for him every day.

He parked his car in the school parking lot and stepped out, he grabs his backpack and closed the car door. He locked it and started walking towards the doors of the school office. He gulps as he looks at the school building, he felt as if was towering over him, he takes a deep breath and shakes his head, trying to get rid of the thought, he wipes a bead of sweat from his forehead before pushing a door open and walking inside. He heard his shoes echoing in the halls. He walked into the office and grabbed a tardy pass from the front office lady, quietly walking out after grabbing it. He didn't want to hear her attitude filled compilations. He walked towards his first period, already knowing all eyes would be on him once he stepped into the room.

He turns down the hall, glancing at the posters decorating the walls. Homecoming? No thanks. Vaping Prevention? As if the school cares. Clubs and shit? Yeah, maybe a couple of people would join them, but there's plenty other things to do. He stopped outside of his classroom door and knocked on the wooden surface. It creaked open, revealing a class full of students, staring straight at him 

"Looked who joined us!!"

Said the teacher who stared at him with a bright smile, too bright. He wanted to rip that smile off her face, make her regret smiling. He blinked away those thoughts and took a shaky breath, exhaling before nodding,

"Yup.."

He said simply and shortly before walking by the teacher quickly and sitting at his desk in the back, alone, he dug through his backpack and got his notebook out, tossing it onto the desk, holding a pencil in his hand as he opened to a blank page, just staring at it, it reminded him of his journal at home, the one that wasted his time all because he just couldn't write down his feelings. He didn't know how to explain them without being too overdramatic. He couldn't even doodle like he used to when he got bored. All he could do was chew as his bottom lip until it bled, he liked the pain, it felt nice. His mind flickered back to when he would lie in his bed, cradling the arm he'd cut, comforting himself from his own pain, the thought went away as the teacher called on him, repeating his name until he was back into the current time,

"Turq, Its time for second period, you're gonna be late."

She huffed and shook her head out of disappointment, pushing her glasses back up her nose. He nodded and grabbed his backpack, putting a strap of it on and walking out, his notebook in his arms. He walked through the crowded high school hallway that smelt of stale chips and sweat with a hint of the sweet perfume the girls always spray. His head was down, not wanting to meet anyone's eyes. His shoulder bumped into someone else's, he didn't look up to apologize, he didn't say anything, just continued to walk uncomfortably in the halls, heading straight to his second class of the day, wishing it was already over. 



3rd period..




4th period...




God someone kill me...5th period..




6th period...




7th period....




HOME

Finally, he was home and was already drained. He walked into the house and tossed his backpack onto the ground. He steps into his room and flops down onto the bed, his face buried into his pillow as he imagined feeling the rush of just escaping this god awful valley. He rolled over and hugged his stuffed cat, closing his eyes as a tear rolled down his cheek. He felt so numb, so heavy, he felt like the days just bled into each other, he felt like he was just a by-stander to his own life, his lifeless life, he felt liked he was fading everyday. He wish he'd already fade. 














(-This was based off of how i used to feel when going to school!!)

(-Deffo gonna be more chapters!!!)