*IN EDITING* Change My Mind (Nouis)

Chapter one - The Kiss

Louis' POV

"Lou?" I groaned as I felt a shake of my body.

"No Haz...sleep..."

"You've slept enough, c'mon you need to get over her now. She was a bitch anyway". I ignored him and tried to get back to sleep. "C'mon, the lads are waiting, we have rehearsals remember? The tour starts next week". I groaned and sat up, running my hand through my oily hair. "Shower, everything's going to be okay Lou". Harry gave me a sad smile and patt my back, walking out of my room. How could El do this to me? I loved her. No. I love her. Why would she break up with me? She said we weren't working anymore. I told her we could make it work, but she just shook her head. "It's over Lou". I grimaced at the three words I never wanted to hear come from anyone that I loved's lips. "Lou! C'mon, we're going to be late". I sighed lightly and threw the covers off me, heading towards the bathroom with a fresh pair of boxers. I cleaned my hair and body, taking small glances at the very reachable razor. It's been three weeks since I promised Harry never to do it again, but I just want to. I want to feel the pain again. I want to feel the relief of draining that pain away. It wouldn't hurt, would it? Just a little one. I reached out to grab the razor. "Louis! You better not be doing what I think you're doing. Get out of there now or I'll come in and get you myself". I jumped and dropped the razor, sighing and turning the water off. I dried myself and pulled my boxers on, looking in the mirror. God I look like shit. Massive black lines under my eyes, bloodshot eyes, I definitely need to shave..I quickly shaved and brushed my teeth. "Lou!"

"I'm coming!" I walked out the bathroom and into my room, pulling some sweats and a t shirt on. Not like we're going anywhere special. I slipped my shoes on and grabbed my phone, running to the front door.

" 'Bout time. Get in the van". I rolled my eyes but obliged Harry's orders, slipping in next to Liam.

"Hey Lou, how you doin'?" I ignored Niall's words and opened twitter. There were so many caring tweets from the fans. I really do love them.

@Louis_Tomlinson: You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months overanalysing a situation; trying to put the pieces together...justifying what could've/would've happened... (C)

@Louis_Tomlinson: or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on. Sometimes you just need to let the one you love go.

I locked my phone and leaned my head back, closing my eyes.

"Hey Lou, we're here". I groaned, slowly opening my eyes to see I was alone in the car with Niall.

"Where'd everyone go?" I asked, running my hand through my hair.

"They're already inside. You okay Lou? I saw your tweet.."

"Fine". I got out the van and walked in the building, Niall following quickly. I know what everyone thinks, but it's not true. I love Niall. He's a great lad. I could never hate him. Yeah, people think I'm always mean to him, I have never intended on hurting him, I'm just having fun. I don't think very much when I'm mucking around.

"Lou.."

"Yeah?" I looked to Niall's concerned face.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I just nodded. He grabbed my wrist. "You can talk to me Lou, you know that". I nodded again, giving him a small smile.

"I know". I whispered and walked over to the rest of the lads. I frowned at the weird tingly feeling I got from Niall's touch on my wrist and just shook it off.

"You up for this Lou?" I nodded, pulling a fake smile.

"Sure". I was at the verge of bursting into tears as we sang through our songs. I know the boys knew. They kept on glancing at me, giving one another those worried looks. They think I'm an idiot. Niall was the one that seemed to be most worried. I don't see why. I'm fine. Maybe. Okay, I'm not exactly fine. Sure I don't eat, or sleep, and I've wanted to hurt myself time and time again, but so what?