Wonder Wander

Untitled Part 1

He sat there.

Calm, cool, and as handsome as ever.

Boston.

The man I once would've given everything for.

I stood not too far away, but far enough that I couldn't hear what he was saying.

It had been three years.

Maybe four.

Honestly, I had stopped counting.

For a long time, I used to wonder what he was doing.

Where he was.

If he ever thought about me.

Eventually, I stopped.

I had moved on.

At least, I thought I had.

If this had been three or four years ago, I would've run toward him without thinking.

I would've asked if he remembered me.

If he missed me.

I would've told him that I missed him too.

That I never stopped thinking about him.

That after everything he had done, after everything we had done to each other, some stupid part of me still loved him.

Back then, Boston could've looked at me for five seconds and I would've built an entire future around it.

God, I was stupid.

But I wasn't that person anymore.

I had changed.

I had a life now.

And, most importantly, I had Win.

Win, who loved me without making me wonder if I was enough.

Win, who never made me feel like I had to earn his affection.

Win, who somehow made love feel easy.

Safe.

I used to think safe meant boring.

Maybe that was because I had gotten so used to the opposite.

With Boston, everything was intense.

The highs were higher.

The lows were lower.

We could have the best night of our lives and then somehow end up screaming at each other the next day.

And when things were good, they were so good that I could convince myself the bad parts didn't matter.

But they did.

They always had.

I just wasn't ready to admit it then.

Now I was.

I was happy.

I really was.

I loved Win.

I wouldn't trade what I had with him for anything.

So why did seeing Boston again make something inside me twist?

Why did my chest suddenly feel tight?

Why did I remember the way his hand used to feel against mine?

The sound of his laugh?

The way I used to look at him like there was nobody else in the room?

I hated that my mind could still do this.