Claiming 10

1. The Thinghs We Carry.

Lizzie Young.
January 10, 2005.

It was already time for the second lesson, and I was still in bed.

I needed to get up.

I had to.

The whole room was dark, as it always was with my curtains drawn. Clothes and books were scattered across the floor, exactly where I'd left them days ago. I couldn't remember the last time I'd cared enough to clean my room.

On my bedside table were my phone, a notebook, a pen, and something I quickly shoved out of sight when I noticed it.

I hadn't touched it since I'd returned from electroshock therapy, although whenever I lay awake at night, my thoughts always seemed to find their way back to it.

Today was Shannon's first day at Tommen, and I knew she needed me.

I had promised Claire I'd come to school today.

But my whole body felt foreign as I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. I hadn't been able to sleep all night, lying on my back and listening to my playlist over and over again. I was hungry, but I wasn't ready to leave my room and see the devastated looks on Mom and Dad's faces.

Lately, I barely talked to them. Mom was getting worse and worse, and sometimes she looked like a walking corpse. Dad avoided me like the plague, but I couldn't blame him.

I reminded him of Caomhie.

His only beloved daughter.

The thought made something inside my chest tighten.

I pushed it away before it could settle.

I barely managed to get out of bed and put on the first thing I could find. Pierce had been bombarding me with messages, but I didn't bother reading them.

I pulled my hair back into a high ponytail, went into the bathroom, and stared at the pills sitting on the sink. My hand trembled as I reached for them and took them out of the package.

Everything in me was screaming at me to stop as I took them and washed them down with a glass of water.

When I was on the meds, I was fucking miserable. It felt like I was losing my freedom.

But when I took them, I stopped being so angry and irritable. The more I behaved like that, the more I pushed away the only people I had left.

I closed my eyes, suppressing the urge to get rid of them. My body tensed.

I wasn't doing it for myself.

Some part of me hoped that he would come back to me when he saw that I'd followed his advice and was taking my medication.

That's pathetic.

I'm pathetic.

I turned away from my reflection and grabbed my backpack and phone from the bed. Claire had sent me a few messages, and I replied briefly, telling her I'd be at school soon.

When I arrived at Tommen, Pierce was waiting for me.

Of course, he was.

He was a big, burly rugby player with a shaved head, and the second he flashed me that familiar grin, I had to fight the urge to turn around and walk straight back out.

"Hey, Liz. Why didn't you come to the first lessons? I've been waiting for you." He raised an eyebrow and put a hand on my shoulder, which I instantly shrugged off.

"I've been to the dentist," I lied, taking a step away from him.

I didn't have the patience for his shit right now.