Do you remember me?
Sanyayaa?
Your favorite writer Sanyayaa who was obsessed of SwaSan and writing on them was her favorite thing to do.
But right now I am not writing anything.
It's not because I am busy.
I am not busy!
I am struggling with lots of mental stress and I wanna share with all of you what I am struggling.
I have been dealing with this around 2 years all alone.
I had shared this with my some friends even my best friend on wattpad
But nothing is working.
I joined as a government teacher 3 years ago but I met 2 toxic people who are messing with my mental peace.
One is a married man who is keep on hitting on me. Around 43
He is a dual personality.
He sometime acts cringe by staring at my body
And sometime he acts protective like an elder
Sometime he acts as if he is in love with me and can't stay apart from me and I am the one who is punishing him by keeping a distance
Sometime acts all happy lover boy if I talk to him
But the thing which is dangerous is
If I am talking to him still I can't talk to anyone else!
If I does!
He says somethings
"Everything is possible in love and war"
"A mad man can also ruin a girl's face if she go close to anyone else"
"Don't think only girls have power, you many times don't talk to me but remember men in love can do anything "
And if I am only talking to him.
He tells others
"Oh she is my fan"
"She is my baby"
"You are my baby, you shouldn't wear this jeans and all: boys aren't good!
I don't like if anyone stare at my baby with bad eyes"
As he isn't direct with me!
I am not able to understand what he is?
Sometime act lover
Sometime act father
If I don't talk to him
He says
"How you can hurt me? I see you as my own child"
The worst part
The another colleague is a girl same my age!
1 year elder
The girl is very friendly to this guy
Both are like best friends in school
And
The girl keep commenting on my appearance
Oh you are so slim
You can't attract any man!
That man ( same married colleague)
He is attracted to me not to you
He can't be attracted to your skinny body!
You have dark circles
You can't look pretty
I am more beautiful so he choose me as his friend
And you?
He just see you as prostitute so may be he wants to sleep with you but respect no he only respects me
As I am attractive and also I am good human unlike you who is very arrogant
Arrogant?
As I talk less
As I am an introvert
I started getting anxious
Panic attack
Thinking I look ugly!
Many told me
You looks beautiful
My school friends told me
You were most pretty in school
I gained weight to get appreciated
I started getting appreciation
But in form of just lust
That married man started staring at my bust and all!
And then this female started taunting me more
You are trying to snatch him from me!
You looks vulgar!
I don't know may be they already had relationship
But
What was my mistake in it?
She kept taunting me
All used to say
All students
Everyone to me
That you looks cute
Cute baby face
Then she started taunting
Oh you looks cute baby
But men's wants woman not baby!
You can look cute
But hot?
Nah it's me you can't look hot I can only look hot!
He wasn't less!
He kept taunting
You aren't like her
She listen everything I say
But you keep distance
You show attitude
Become like her!!
She is in my good books
But you aren't!
As I always kept my distance from him
When I used to talk to him sometime
He starts acts like lover boy!
Oh you are the one who is closer to my heart!
And she was already insecure and started taunting me more!
"I know what you are trying to do, you wanna snatch him from me"
"He is like this only; he can't see who is good for him"
But I wasn't snatching anything from her!
I was just trying to calm my brain and restart my stories!
About my stories!
He kept taunting
You writes like serial
Write something factual!
I DELETED My stories
Seriously I deleted my stories
Only thinking
May be I am not good in writing
I should write something factual
They both crushed my confidence and my happiness too!
My happiness was writing
But now I am not getting how to restart my stories
3 years of continously taunting
She went taking transfer
And now he is trying to get me back!
He is trying his best
But I am on distance!
Complete distance
Now he is trying to isolate me!
I am not understanding how to come out from this trap?
He isn't direct
So I can't complaint
He always shield himself using word bacha
You are my baby!
And all respect him!
He is a respectful person!
I used to write thriller but thriller in real life is exhausting
Though I am on distance
So it's all fine!
But
I am not understanding how to calm my brain!
I know only stories can take me out from this overthinking trap!
I wanna come out from this overthinking trap and I feel writing can do it!
Will you help in this?
Will you help me in getting my interest back in writing?
Will you help me in getting my peace back?
HELP ME
