MIDNIGHT RAIN

And there he is, clothed in a fine fabric of a three-piece suit with well-sewn buttons. A pressed flower is pinned to his chest as he patiently waits at the altar with his laced oxfords.

His usual messy hair that I can still remember is now styled in slicked back as his posture mimics a gentleman's stance.His gaze remains the same just as I remember it staring at mine every time we share our intimate moments together when we build our own core memories brick by brick.

His lips curve into an unforgettable thin line to create his signature smirk that I keep on falling for and it never fails to make my knees weak even on this day.

And the wedding song starts playing in the background, it was Purple Rain by Prince but rendered in a romantic tone and in a lovely manner. The gaze of every guest who shares the same moment remains in awe and pure adoration. Petals of flowers get carried away by the breeze while the music makes the entrance romantic and unforgettable.

Through the lens of a camera that constantly documents this special moment, one angle catches him crying and bawling his eyes out like a kid, it is obvious and funny how he goes through a roller coaster of emotion while processing everything that is going on right now while standing in front of the altar inside a sacred church.

And for a split second, you may have thought that it is me and him getting married but no, I am just a mere passerby that can't do anything about it but helplessly watch what is in front of me.

And the bride enters, walking in that long pristine white gown while holding a bouquet. The beautiful laced veil covers the face of the soon to be lawfully wedded wife of the groom who is now shedding tears at the altar as he watches his beloved walk slowly down the aisle towards him.

Everyone's faces have the same proud and happy smile painted on their faces as the camera flashes from here and there while here I am standing in the middle of the intersection located in Shibuya as I watch them share their kisses to seal the vow they just made being broadcast on the huge Jumbotron screens of the city.

I remain frozen and petrified as I listen to the reporter announce "Biggest and unforgettable wedding ever recorded in the history of Japan" they say but here I am still reminiscing about the good old days in the bustling crowd in Shibuya as it completely engulfs the intersection. Hearing different noises that are coming out from several people, with life each of their own as I helplessly look back to our past now buried in the back of our minds because only God knows how much I tried to fight for our love that never got the chance to be known and told.

It became an untold story that went down in history that not many people know as they forget the events of that story, they make a new one that can surpass the happiness I gave him when we were still together.

I still remember how it all started with a simple conversation when I served him coffee in that old coffee shop located in Kyoto when he and his family went for a trip and an unexpected friendship bloomed into something huge and scandalous. I still smell the faint fragrance of his perfume and his menthol breath mixed with beer with our bodies soaked in the rain outside the shrine when we decided to end everything right there at the wrong time. If only he had waited for me to graduate and be a person of my own until I could provide for my family then would everything have changed? This question has remained stuck in my head ever since then and until now.

Just because I don't want his parents to see me as a burden in their family. I only want his family to accept and see me worthy of their son even if our love is considered a sin and forbidden.

I worked hard to finish my studies and earn a degree to pursue a man with immense wealth who can never understand what it feels like to do your work more than you can rest every day and study like your life depends on it. In his eyes, everything is easy and affordable while I remain chasing my dream with him in my mind and unfortunately before I even knew it, it was too late.

I guess I really did take my time building my ladder to climb up to where he is. While I was wiping down the tables other people had eaten on and clean up after their mess someone did me the favor of looking after him. Providing him the warmth and support I never got to made him feel. I showed him the hardships and the ugly side of living while she brings him to her world and build a life with him.

Up until this day even when I am just standing here and staring in nothingness I can still remember how his hand feels when he cupped my face and told me that I am the full moon in his rising star. It was just a bit hard on me that I got to build a person and made him a man just to give him away for someone, and a woman on top of that.

If only you waited for me to graduate and earn my degree then I wouldve been able to fight for our love in front of your family and now that I am finally able to buy the things that I was just dreaming before I hate to admit that I'm still haunted by the thought of us getting married, both wearing a tuxedo as we defy the streotypes and hate of others together hand by hand and not care on whatever nonsense they spew.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy to see you now smiling from ear to ear as you slide a ring in her wedding finger and build a life together with kids carrying your surnames. Now, I can breathe in ease to see you get married and live the life we both know I can't give you.

We were once lovers who blindedly believe that we were fated to be together. He was the sunshine who brings people the positivity they need while I was the midnight rain who weeps purple in his neon city.

I love you, Akito and I will always will but tonight seeing you waiting in that aisle with a woman you love somehow provided me the closure I need. Just so you know I still and am always visiting that cafe we once met each other and dreamed of our life together but I guess luck was not in our side, that me a simple man born with no silver spoon never got the chance to prove myself worthy of you..