the silent battles

the relapse

I get to nicks
Nick wrapped me in a hug before leading me upstairs.
and then I explain what happened and he says
" oh char I'm so sorry "
"Are you hungry?" Nick asks.

"No, I'm okay, thanks," I say.

im not ok my anxiety has gotten worse and im so anxious all the time but I don't want to be a burden so im not going to tell Nick I know I should but im not going to becauseI don't want him to tell my mom and dad

'1 hour later' im asleep and tori messaged Nick to see if im with him and if im ok
he wakes me up "char " "mmmmm" " tori messaged me " what did she say" " she asked if your with me and if your ok
" "yes im fine "
then I zone out I think the world would be so much better without me im just a fragile broken mess that people need to fix

and then Nick hugs me he says " are you really ok!?" I say yes im fine "
but Nick knows fine is just me saying no im not but I don't want you to worry "
ok but if you want to talk to me im here for you " he says "thanks but I just want to cuddle "
then Nick says " ok but you can always talk to me you know that right " I say " thanks Nick and thanks Nick " and then I put my head on his arm and fall asleep again

The next morning I wake up to the smell of pancakes.

For a second I forget where I am, then I remember I'm at Nick's house.

Nick smiles when he sees me awake.
"Morning, sleepyhead," he says softly.

"Morning," I mumble.

"You hungry?"

I shrug. "Not really."

Nick's smile fades a little. "Char... you need to eat something."

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not."

I look away.

Nick sighs. "I'm not trying to force you. I'm just worried about you."

"I said I'm fine!"
The words come out louder than I meant them to.

Nick looks hurt.

"I... I'm sorry," I whisper.

"It's okay," Nick says quietly. "But you keep saying you're fine when I can tell you're not."

"I don't want everyone worrying about me."

"We're going to worry anyway because we love you."

Before I can answer, Nick's phone buzzes.
He looks at the screen.
"It's Tori."
He answers the call.
"Yeah... he's awake."

Nick listens for a moment before handing me the phone.
"Tori wants to talk to you."

I hesitate before taking it.
"Hi..."

"Charlie," Tori says, "you scared everyone yesterday."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologise for struggling," she says. "But you can't keep shutting everyone out."

I don't know what to say.

"I'll see you later," she says before hanging up.

I hand the phone back to Nick and stare at the floor.
For the first time, I wonder if everyone really is starting to lose patience with me.
:Chapter 3 comeing soon