I adore you and that's the problem.

What's your story?

It's been a year since Lin found me, since I was offered a spot here. I'm quiet, I keep my head down, I don't start fights, I don't speak unless I'm spoken too. Maybe that's just the anxiety, I was diagnosed when I was 13, Anxiety disorder, my mom thought it was for attention, my step father thought I was crazy, they never believed me when I'd wake up with nightmares about things trying to kill me, they thought I was mad. They had to go, it was better off this way. Now I'm at a school where everyone looks at me like I'm sane, I have few friends but it's better than being alone like before.

"Y/n" said Petra, "you okay? you're spaced out again, come on, Billy's talking about how sex is the cure for depression." I started laughing, "what?". I got up and started to walk with Petra, Billy was standing in the middle of the roof talking with Lex, smoking cigarettes. "...dude I'm not crazy, it makes sense, it's science". I hear Billy say as we walk towards them, " you're an odd fellow" Lex says. Petra was the only one who knew my story, why Lin looked at me, not Lex, not Billy, not Willie, I know they'd understand, at first I thought it was the most terrible thing in the world, now i'd know they'd understand, it was just never a topic of conversation. "wanna go walk?" Petra asked, I nodded, "still have nightmares? I know you try to be quiet but I am your friend." I lied, shaking my head, "no more nightmares." "good, you know we're getting a new kid." "really?" I asked. Just then, I saw a boy with black curly hair and and dark brown eyes, he was cute, Petra told me she was going back to her room, I nodded and sat back down, I could feel the new kid's eyes staring at me but I ignored, that's not why I'm here, I can't let myself get distracted, I'm here to defend myself, not let my guard down. He walked over to me and stuck his hand out, I looked up slightly, he was even cuter up close. "Hi, I'm Marcus, Marcus Lopez" I didn't say anything, he sat next to me, light a cigarette and offered me one, I took one and said "you're that boy's home killer", no facial expression, just cold eyes, as if he's not proud of it. "yeah" he said quietly. "I'm y/n, nice to meet you Marcus, word of advice, keep your head down." "noted" he said. After a long period of silence he asked me what my story was, "what", I said, no one had asked me my story for a year, everyone was curious at first but I was silent, never addressed the rumors, Petra never told anyone, it's like I was invisible to everyone, I liked it that way. "what's your story?" he asked again, a little more firmly. "why does it matter?" I asked, "you asked me mine, you don't remember?". "I didn't, I already knew, gaslighting is a tactic used to misdirect and distract your brain, if you're going to do that, you have to try harder." I got up and walked away back to my dorm, I could still feel his eyes on me as I dismissed myself.

sorry if it sucks, I haven't written in a while, please let me know if you have any suggestions.