The Things We Buried

zero.

15th March 2003
Five Years After the War: Where Are Our Heroes Now?

By Rita Skeeter, Special Correspondent for the Daily Prophet
Five years ago, they stood side by side as the beloved saviours of the wizarding world: brave, brilliant, untouchable.
Today? The picture is far less inspiring.
Behind the polished Ministry memorials and sentimental anniversary speeches lies a far uglier truth: war heroes, it seems, rarely know how to survive peace.
And nowhere is that more obvious than in the tragic unraveling of the so-called Golden Trio.

After years of dramatic headlines, daring Auror missions, and endless public worship, Harry Potter appears to have done the unthinkable:
He quit.
That's right, dear readers. The Chosen One has officially retired from the Auror Office at the astonishing age of twenty-three, retreating into obscurity in a suspiciously isolated countryside cottage with soon-to-be (maybe) wife, Ginny Weasley.
Cowardice? Exhaustion? Domestic bliss? The public may never know.
What we do know is that Mrs Potter has had little trouble remaining relevant.
The fiery redhead has dominated this year's Quidditch season, earning herself the coveted MVP title after leading the Holyhead Harpies to victory.
Though some fans have begun noticing a curious detail: looser uniforms, fewer public appearances, and a rather noticeable refusal to address persistent pregnancy rumours.
Sources close to the Harpies claim management is already preparing for "unexpected leave."
How delightfully predictable.

While older brother George Weasley transforms Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes into a commercial empire, Ronald Weasley seems to be doing little besides drinking himself into obscurity.
Multiple witnesses report seeing the youngest Weasley brother intoxicated throughout Diagon Alley at nearly all hours of the day, often stumbling out of pubs before noon.
"He looks exhausted," one shopkeeper admitted. "Like someone who never really came back from the war."
And perhaps he never did.
Friends of the family insist Fred Weasley's death shattered him permanently, though others suggest his increasingly public downward spiral may have more to do with another loss entirely:
Hermione Granger.

The brightest witch of her age has, quite literally, disappeared.
Hermione Granger abruptly abandoned her Ministry career earlier this year before leaving the United Kingdom entirely.
No farewell statement.
No explanation.
No known destination.
Just gone.
Some whisper she suffered a complete emotional breakdown after discovering her parents' memories could never fully be restored. Others claim her relationship with Ronald Weasley deteriorated into bitter resentment long before her departure.
One particularly interesting Ministry source described Granger as "empty" in the weeks leading up to her disappearance.
"She stopped looking at people," the source revealed. "Like she wasn't really there anymore."
Chilling.
As for Ronald Weasley, insiders suggest he has repeatedly attempted to contact her—with no success.
Apparently, even war heroes can be abandoned.

In less depressing news—or perhaps equally confusing ones—Luna Lovegood has recently been spotted travelling across Europe with the niece of famed magizoologist Newt Scamander.
Eyewitnesses claim the pair appeared "intensely affectionate" during a recent trip through the south of France before vanishing moments after reporters approached them.
Lovegood, naturally, refused to comment.
Though one hardly expects normal behaviour from a woman who spent her adolescence hunting invisible creatures.

And finally, Neville Longbottom—the boy once famous for losing toads and melting cauldrons—has somehow become Hogwarts' newest Herbology professor following Pomona Sprout's retirement.
Sources within Hogwarts describe him as competent, awkward, and "alarmingly enthusiastic" about compost.
Still, compared to the spectacular emotional disasters of his former classmates, Longbottom may actually be the one who turned out best.
A truly terrifying thought.