I crouch over the bed and clutch onto the hospital bed sheet. The pain is excruciating. I look over at Liam, he's asleep on the brown chair, I can't knock him though, we're going on our tenth hour here.
"UGH!" I yell. That just about wakes up the entire hospital. A short, white-haired nurse comes rushing into the room,
"Honey, you need to rest! Are you okay?"
With sweat drenching down my face I mutter out my response, "that one hurt like a bitch" out of the corner of my eye I see her grin a little bit, "They're going to get worse. Why don't we get you up on the bed and I'll call Dr. Romano, he'll come in, measure you and we'll see what we're going to do."
Liam stands up from the chair and grabs my right hand; with his other hand he supports my back. Together Liam and nurse Donnelly lift me onto the bed.
"Here, have some ice chips and I'll be back in a minute with the doctor." She scurries off to the nurse's station and a few seconds later I hear her come on the speaker, "Dr. Romano, we need a check in room 113b"
Liam walks over to me as I hold out the cup of ice chips for him to take. "Maddie how do you feel?"
With my eyes barely open, "as okay as I can be. How are you?"
"I'm managing"
I squeeze his hand and my face gets hot, my eyes swell up and I fight back my tears. Liam sweeps my black hair out of my face and presses his forehead onto mine, "we'll be okay Maddie, so will she. She's going to be fine."
"I know she's going to be okay Liam, I don't know if I'll be okay. I thought this would be so much easier than this but its not. I know its the right choice but I can't help but think about the what if"
"Maddie we still have time to pull out of this" he says with the slightest glow in his eye.
"We can't Liam, this has been the plan since the beginning. We can't go back on our word."
"I know, I guess there's just that ounce of hope left you know?" I nod my head without a word. "Are you sure you don't want to call anyone?"
"Liam I don't have anyone. I have Chloe but she's in school. I don't want to cause anymore heart break for her."
I just have this overwhelming feeling of sadness, I'm not even excited anymore, I'm just sad. No amount of pain could make this hurt any less.
"I get it Maddie, they'll come around. I know they will" he says as he pats the droplets of sweat that have formed on my forehead off.
"Liam, there's no promise of that. They were so quick to kick me out; I don't know if they ever will come around. Better yet, I don't know that I want them to be part of my life anymore.
"Come on Maddie, you don't mean that."
I wiggle around in the bed, and squeeze his hand again. The machine next to me records the intensity and duration, "Yes I do Liam."
"Okay; well, what about Erick and Lisa? Do you want me to call them?"
I think for a minute. I think back to the day I met them, I can only hope that their relationship is something that's in my future. I would die to have someone look at me the way that Erick looks at Lisa. It's like every time he looks at her he falls in love all over again. You can see the emotion rushing through his body. You see his feet shuffle a bit, his legs become a little straighter and he plays with his fingers. Then, you look up at his face and his eyebrows are raised in awe and his smile is bright and genuine. That's all I want. I want a guy who will cry when they see me walk down the isle, one that will smile every time they see me, one that will brag to his friends about how he's the luckiest guy in the world. I don't know if that's Liam, it might be. I'm too young to tell; I'm not even sixteen yet.
"No, I don't want them here for this part, just you."
"Then that's what we'll do. Just you and I."
"Liam, I don't want to do this."
"We really don't have to Maddie."
"Yes we do. There's no other way. She'll be happier this way. I just- we, just can't do it."
"I know."
A tall man maybe in his early thirties walks into the room. With gelled back hair, and a welcoming face he walks in, "Hello Ms. Maddie. How are you doing?"
"I'm tired."
"I know. We're going to check you out, I think you're almost ready."
He pulls out stirrups from the table and positions my leg so that he can get a look at me, "Okay, 9 centimeters. We should be ready to go in about an hour."
"Thank you." I shyly say.
"Liam, this is it. She'll be here soon. And just like that she'll be gone."
He nods his head. I can see tears collecting in his eyes.
"This is it." He repeats.
~~~~~~~~
"Ok, Maddie. Let's do it."
Liam positions himself so that he's standing on the right side of me, and there's a nurse on the left. Directly at my feet are Dr. Romano and another nurse. Time stands still. I can't focus on anything but the pushing.
And just like that the pushing stops, I collapse onto my pillow waiting for the universal sign that says, "I'm here". It never comes.
I don't hear a thing. 15 seconds pass by and the world around me speeds up. The nurses around me panic, the doctor rushes over to my baby. I see arms flying everywhere. Liam starts crying, he eagerly watches the doctors. The doctor puts his head down, and whispers a prayer, Amen.
Liam comes over to me and gives me a kiss.
"My baby?"
"Our baby. Our Angel Baby"
I burst into tears and hold Liam close to me, the doctors clean me up and walk out of the room.
A few hours later Erick and Lisa walk into the room, with pink balloons and a teddy bear. They freeze at the doorway. Lisa's brown eyes open wide as she instantly feels the hurt in the room. Erick's shoulders droop and their eyes both water.
"Madison? What's wrong? Where's the baby."
Through the tears, Liam and I both shake our heads. The couple comes over to us and we all cry together.
I gather enough composure to say, "I want you to sign the death certificate."
"No Madison, you two do it."
~The Next Day~
Birth Certificate:
Roselani Azzarra Jacob
7 lbs 5 oz.
11/22/2014
12:27 am
Parents:
Madison Evelynn Rodriguez
Liam Becker Jacob
Death Certificate
Roselani Azzarra Jacobs
Born On: 11 November 2014
Died on: 11 November 2014
