Hank Hill's Insatiable Bloodlust

"I'm going to kick your ass, I tell you what."

          "Hank....! What the... hell.. are you doing?!" Peggy gasped, in a strangled attempt to speak.

          "If you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen!" Hank screeched, slamming his wife's face into the pan of bacon and grease.

          Peggy let out a deafening scream as she felt her skin start to burn and stick to the skillet.

          Hank began to repeatedly hit Peggy's head on the stove, her hair catching aflame from it, turning her into a human torch. He shoved her onto the ground and started stomping on her as she let out pathetic wails and screams for help.

          All the commotion had woken Bobby up and he came running from his room and into the kitchen," Mom! Dad! What are you doing?!" he screamed in surprise.

          "Dad!" Bobby cried out loud, running over to him to make him stop. "Cut it out!"

          Hank furiously opened a drawer and pulled out a knife, lashing out at Bobby," You just ain't right, boy!" he screamed, as he stomped over to his terrified son, leaving Peggy's corpse to burn.

          "Dad! Please!" Bobby pleaded, backing into the wall. He then quickly opened the door and ran as fast as his fat little 13-yr-old legs could carry him. "Help!" he cried.

          "It's no use, Bobby! I told you to do a better in P.E. didn't I?!" Hank exclaimed, chasing after his son. He grabbed Bobby and tossed him onto the concrete driveway. After landing a few hard kicks in Bobby's side he knelt down," You made a horrible comedian," he said in a wry tone before stabbing him in the side.

          Bobby let out another loud cry for help but was silenced when his dad repeatedly began to stomp on his face, beating in his skull.

          Hank picked up Bobby's limp corpse and cut into its stomach, tearing it open. Entrails immediately fell from the incision along with an immense amount of blood that continued to drip. He tore out Bobby's intestines, kidneys, stomach, liver, lungs, everything, until Bobby's dead body was hollowed out.

          "Happy Thanksgiving!" Hank exclaimed, following by laughing at his own pun. What a stupid joke. It was still currently August! LOL!

           Putting aside the organs, he stripped the corpse of its fat and flesh, cutting them into perfect squared chunks of meat. Hank then picked up Bobby's harvested body and tossed it on Bill's lawn as display of dominance and left either arms or legs on Dale and Boomhauer's lawns.

          Seeing at how the entirety of his house could potentially begin to burn down from Peggy's flaming corpse, he grabbed a hose and put out the fire. Hank inspected Peggy's dead body, poking it around with his foot.

          "It would have cooked better if it was cooked with propane on a Strickland grill." Hank stated, beginning to laugh at his own joke. It was so funny! LOL!

          Going back outside to pick up Bobby's filleted flesh, he discovered Dale staring at the perfectly cut pieces of meat laying on his driveway, a pool of blood leaking onto the asphalt of the road.

          "Hank! What have you done?! I trusted you! But it turns out you were a part of all the secret societies the government's been covering up!" Dale yelled, pointing an accusing finger at Hank, "Killing your own wife and son! A sin! A sin I say!"

          "Dale! Get over here so I can kick your ass!"

          "Aaaaugh!" Dale screamed, running back home.

          "There can be no witnesses." Hank said in a solemn tone as he did an intense pose, a sudden breeze blowing through his hair. The sweat on him glistening in the sunlight. His glorious cheek bones gave him a burly, and bedazzling look.

          Hank chased after Dale. Seeing him crawl through the window of his home and into his room. Hank ran over to Dale's front door and kicked it several times before slamming into it and knocking it down.

          "Come here! I will definitely kick your ass! I tell you what!" he mightily screeched, wildly running around in Dale's house. Searching, searching.

          "Aaaaagh! Go away! You m-monster!" Dale shakily cried out, pointing a dagger at Hank. "You can't kick my ass if I kick yours first!"

          "Dale, that's asinine!" Hank exclaimed, marching over to his friend and bitch slapping the dagger out of his hand.

          "Stay away from me!" Dale screamed once again.

          It was all in vain. Hank pulled off Dale's shades and dug his fingers into the sockets of his eyes, receiving painful screams from Dale. He started to tear at whatever hair Dale had left on his head and then slammed his head into a wall. Hank then repeatedly kicked Dale in the stomach.

         "I'm sorry, Nancy! Joseph! I'm so weak!" Dale managed to choke out before having his throat slit from the relentless Hank.

          Hank began to kick his once friend's dead body around for a while before walking out of the house.

          "I still need to grill those leftover chunks of meat from Bobby." Hank thought to himself as he casually strolled down Rainy Street in blood-soaked clothing. "The boy ain't right, I tell you what."