I'm tired.
So tired of living the same thing in a cycle that never ends,
of walking carefully so no one gets upset,
of making myself smaller so others can feel comfortable.
I carry smiles that don't always come naturally,
and swallowed words that burn my throat. I give everything,
and still it never seems to be enough.
There's always a gesture, a strange attitude that makes me doubt
if I matter, if I'm worth anything,
if today I'll also be the last option.
And it hurts.
It hurts not to trust,
it hurts not having a safe place to rest my heart.
It hurts to speak honestly
and still be called selfish.
It hurts to put up with things that don't look like the kind of affection I imagine,
but that I accept out of fear of ending up alone.
It feels like no one has ever chosen me first.
They always
find someone "better,"
and I learned to pretend it doesn't matter, even though it burns inside.
I wonder why some people
carry so much hardness in their hearts,
so much indifference in their minds,
as if caring for someone
cost them too much.
And here I am again,
believing once more,
trying to be strong with a young heart
already tired from holding too much.
It shouldn't be like this.
At almost fifteen,
I just want to feel like I belong,
that I'm not so easily replaced,
that I also deserve a sincere hug
without fear,
without doubts,
without being pushed to the back of everything.
