jerk it out [colin hughes & jan maas]

jerk it out

JERK IT OUT
a colin hughes & jan maas fanfic

•

THE SOCCER WORLD IS UNFORTUNATELY VERY FAMILIAR WITH THE STAR CENTER MID FOR THE PHILADELPHIA UNION. His speed is the most terrifying threat since the Cuban Missile Crisis. His left foot had to have been touched by Jesus himself on the walk to Calvary because, for a right-footed guy, he has no reason to be as good as he was with it. Not to mention his defense: the man has recorded 153 tackles, with not a single one of them being slightly less than legal. He is, truly, one of the most remarkable players in the Americas.

RIAN CONNALLÁIN REALLY FUCKING HATES PLAYING FOR THE PHILADELPHIA UNION. Don't get him wrong, he loves soccer, and he really fucking loves representing his hometown. Still, he really can't stand to have another practice with a coach who actively refuses to listen to his players and chooses the absolute dumbest strategy each game. It is sickening. And, maybe, he is a bit too vocal with his thoughts. Maybe he is getting into fights with the coaching staff nearly every day. And, just perhaps, he is causing such a ruckus in the locker room that he has his teammates ready to fight the coaching staff as well.

OR

THE FOOTBALL WORLD WAS UNFORTUNATELY NOT VERY FAMILIAR WITH THE STAR CENTRAL MIDFIELDER FOR THE US MEN'S NATIONAL TEAM. No, they were not aware of the scarily fast American. Nor were they ready for the fact that he was one of the cleanest defenders to ever play the sport. And they were most certainly not aware of where the guy came from because how, on God's green Earth, could a player that good be hiding from all of the Football academies, American or not? So when he popped out of nowhere and somehow scored two goals against the English National Team, all by himself, they were stunned.

RUPERT MANNION ONLY WANTS THE BEST, AND HE ALWAYS, ALWAYS, GETS WHAT HE WANTS. So when he sees an unknown American rock the football world in only one appearance, he immediately calls him up for a contract. To his shock and utter anger, he is rejected. The boy wants to stay in the MLS with his hometown team. How disgusting. But he keeps trying, even tries to buy his contract from that insignificant team he plays for, but even then, he is denied. He is too valuable a player. That is, until 2019, the team suddenly relents. And Rian Connalláin is on his way to AFC Richmond.

—————

MEET THE CAST!

Cho Gue Sung

as

'The Multinational Midfielder'
RIAN CATHAL CONNALLÁIN

"This must be some form of divine punishment."

Billy Harris

as

'The Welsh Winger'
COLIN HUGHES

"I can't post about Welsh Independence for a week!"

David Elsendoorn

as

'The Dutch Defenseman'
JAN MAAS

"You English people and your butchering of my language."

EXTENDED CAST
Ted Lasso // Jason Sudeikis
Coach Beard // Brendan Hunt
Nathan Shelley // Nick Mohammed
Rebecca Welton // Hannah Waddingham
Arlo Yoon // Im Siwan
AFC Richmond // Original Cast