Hope

Chapter Twenty Six

I laid my hand over his, but he yanked it away, "Danny, I'm so sorry for everything I've done to you. But please let me explain what happened. You can hate me if you want, but at least let me tell my side of the story."

"I could never hate you, that's part of the problem." He wiped at his cheek and took a draw from his beer, "Fine, tell me your side of the story."

"I woke up the morning after you proposed to me, screaming from a nightmare I had. My memory had finally come back completely and I was terrified. I came out of the bedroom looking for you and you had left to go to work." He looked ashamed, "I'm not saying that to accuse you of anything, just telling you what was going through my mind. If you had been here, I don't know how I would have reacted. As it was, I fell apart, completely and utterly. I was just acting on instinct when I left you that note. From the things I was remembering, I didn't think that you would want me anymore. It's what usually caused my relationships to go bust."

"Why didn't you call me? I would have come straight home." He sounded so sad it was breaking my heart all over again.

"I know it's not an excuse, but I was scared. I was so terrified of what you would think of me that I couldn't think straight. All I could do was run away. My life was not a pretty sight before I met you, I was pretty fucked up. My family... my family is not something to mess around with, and I was terrified that if you knew about everything that my family has done, you would leave me."

"So you left me first?"

"Yes, I left before you could hurt me."

"I never would have hurt you," he said, astonished that I would even think such a thing. "There is nothing that you could tell me about your family that would make me ever stop loving you. All you had to do is trust me and I would have done anything for you. If I could give you the moon, I would."

"Don't say that until you hear what my family has done." He waved me on impatiently, "My parents did not come about their money honestly. My family has been mob for as long as I can remember. My grandfather was mob, and so was my dad. I never asked for specifics, but there was more than once that my dad came home at night with someone else's blood on his clothes."

His voice was neutral as he asked, "Are they still mob?"

"Well, my grandfather is dead, and I think that my father is running from it. He is still technically part of the family, but he hasn't actively participated in a few years. That's why they are in Paris until Christmas this year and didn't even know I was missing for those months that I was here."

I shut up for a few minutes and watched as a range of emotions crossed Danny's face, "And you, are you part of the mob?"

"No," I said empathetically. "First of all, my dad never would have let me do anything for them. He didn't want them to own me the way they own him. But mostly because I couldn't stand to be around any of them."

Danny didn't say anything for a long time and I couldn't stand it anymore, I stood and turned back to the front door so he wouldn't see my tears. As I walked to the door I said, "I'm so sorry, Danny. There are things about my life that I've remembered that still freak me out and I couldn't do that to you. But I'm sorry I didn't give you a choice. I'll go, but if you ever need anything, Daisy knows how to get in touch with me."

I had just opened the door when I felt his hand grip my wrist, "Dammit, can't you even give me a minute to process everything you've told me before running away again?" I didn't turn around so he couldn't see the hopeful expression on my face, "Look at me please, let's discuss this like adults before you decide if you want to leave or stay."

I turned around and when he saw the tears streaking my cheeks he looked pained, "So you throw my own words back at me?" I laughed, "Fine, what is it that you think about my family, now that you know everything?"