YOUR MIKE | byler

chapter 1

"I don't like girls."
His words echo in my mind. Why did I never notice? I mean, he's my best friend. I should've noticed. What is wrong with me, and why do I feel so goddamn bad?

I watch as tears run down his face. My heart grows heavy with guilt and a hint of something I can't quite name. But guilt? Why guilt? Everything around me spins, and suddenly it's only him.

"I had this crush on someone, but I realised they're not like me. They're just my Tammy," Will speaks as tears continue to run down his cheeks. You could hear the fear in the tremble of his voice.

My eyebrows furrow. My hands sweat. My heart races, and my eyes? They're glued to him. It feels like everything just got clear in front of my eyes, like hope unraveling in front of me. And maybe it's just the heat of the moment that's making me feel this way, but I feel safe. A safety I can't explain, one that envelops you like a warm blanket.

I see Jonathan start to cry. Did he know? Did he realise? Was I that blind? Maybe Will was right. Maybe if I hadn't been so damn focused on Eleven, I would've noticed.

Before I notice, everyone is standing up and comforting Will. Even though my head is spinning, I do the same.

"Me too," I say as I join their hug. My arms wrap around Dustin's back, and I close my eyes. I feel that warmth creeping up my chest again, and I subconsciously tighten my grip on Dustin's jacket. My heartbeat is so strong that I swear I feel it in my hands.

We pull away, and my eyes linger on Will for a second too long. His eyes meet mine and soften. The lights shining through the window make them look even greener and lighter. The same eyes that would light up when we were kids and would play together.

I needed to talk to Will. The urge was strong, like a gnawing feeling slowly eating my insides until I burst. And now that I know there's a chance — a chance for us — I can't risk it. Not when the world is about to collapse.

Everyone starts preparing for the plan. Will looks away, and as he does, I feel a drop in my heart, like a skipped beat. The same feeling I felt when he danced with that one girl in middle school at the ball.

I finally step back. We all ready up and leave. The whole way there, I keep stealing glances at Will, searching for the right moment to talk to him. But it never comes.

We all enter the Upside Down. My nerves are through the roof. If the world collapses and there is no tomorrow, I'll die not knowing what could've been. I'll die with this damn hatred for myself, this anger that makes me want to grab him and keep him close — because deep down, I'm just a stupid coward. And deep down, I know my feelings are deep.

"'Well, that's good. 'Cause this is gonna take some time. All right, we should split up. Use both ladders. Don't rush. Pace yourselves. There are platforms along the way, so use them to rest. All right. Let's do this,'" Jonathan says as we arrive at the Squawk.

He goes first, followed by Steve, Nancy, Robin, me, and then Will. Lucas and Dustin are behind us.

After some minutes of climbing, I take a break to drink some water and take a breath. I avoid looking down because I know he's there, and if I were to look — I wouldn't be able to stop.

He reaches my platform and leans against the railing next to me.

"You want some?" I ask, extending my water bottle.

"Yeah."

When Will takes the bottle from my hands, our fingers touch. It's infuriating how that shot a spark right to my heart. I keep my eyes in front of me. My mind spirals. What should I say now? I wanted this so badly to happen, and now I'm at a loss for words.

My throat feels dry, and when Will passes me the bottle back, I speak up.

"Hey, um... what you said earlier at the Squawk... I'm sorry. I mean, not sorry about what you said. That came out wrong. Or not came out wrong. Jesus Christ."

He chuckles — that sound I've grown more and more fond of.

"It's okay."

"No, it's... it's not. I should have been there for you, and I wasn't. And I guess I was just so self-absorbed that I couldn't see it. I just... I feel like an idiot, and I— I'm sorry."

My words tangle against each other. When I finally look up to meet his eyes, there's a soft smile on his face. He seems to hesitate before speaking again.

"You don't have to be sorry. And you are not an idiot. You're not. It's just... I didn't even understand it myself for the longest time. I just... I think it needed to happen the way it happened. I needed to find my own way. But what matters is that you're still here, and you still think we can be friends."

Friends. Is that really all we are?

"Will? When you said you had a crush on someone..." I trail off.

His smile slowly drops, and I suddenly feel guilty for bringing it up. I shake my head.

"You know what, never mind. You said he's not like you, so it's dumb. I'm sorry."

I messed up. Before Will can answer, I climb up.

We all reach the top and give Hopper the signal. Nothing happens. The sky starts dropping down. I look at him — because I can lose everything, but not him.

"Will."

My legs move on their own as I make my way to him. The sky crashes against the tip of the tower, making it break and jolt us violently. My eyes snap to him, and my hand reaches out.

Will bangs his head. My heart drops, and all the air gets sucked out of my lungs. I lunge toward him and drop to my knees.

"Will. Will, can you hear me?!"

Slowly, his eyes open. Blood trickles down his face. He looks pale and weak. I feel like I'm getting suffocated and tortured. I don't know what to do, so I just hold onto him, trying to ground me — and maybe him.

Tears run down my cheeks, tears that feel like they cut through my skin as they pass. Will doesn't speak, and my worry grows bigger.

"Will, please. Please... hold on."

My voice breaks and trembles. A choked sob escapes my lips. I lean down, placing my forehead against his. I breathe in his shallow breaths, each one like a shot to the heart.

"I don't want to be your Tammy. Come on, please. I want to be your Mike. Your Mike.

I emphasize the word your. My tears mingle with his blood as they drip down his face. Will's eyes close. I sob against his lips and brush mine against his — a soft reminder of what could've been, of what will never be.

The metal beneath us is slick with blood. His fingers twitch once against mine — a heartbeat, a goodbye.

"I don't like girls — I love you, Will."