Stranger Inside

Beginning of the End

     Since Will's family moved in, life has been both chaotic and yet somehow more comfortable. In a way I can't describe, the house has felt more like home with everyone here. Although most days I isolate myself while the house buzzes around me, the days are ultimately more comfortable and brighter. With Will here, it feels like my life is complete again.  Before I started isolating myself, we were always together doing something chill or fun if we weren't at school or planning to fight Vecna. 

     Most weekdays, Will and I ride our bikes to school, Holly tagging along with us since the elementary school is on the way. We drop Holly off at the front door where she usually runs up the main stairs, arms daintily flailing at her side as her hair and dress bounce with every step. She almost always wore dresses. They were her favorite. She was your average girly girl. Dresses, hair, all the jazz. She was a nerd like me though, she was into a lot of different nerdy things... Girly nerdy things, like Rainbow Bright. She's been really into this one book she is reading in school, too. A wrinkle in Time. I am proud of her for this one. It's not extremely feminine, yet it entertains her enough to have her nose in that book at all times. 

     She was similar to Nancy too. She liked to write in her diary; she loved shoes and clothes in every color. She loved to carefully and intentionally pick out outfits that fit her personality perfectly, but in a way that was juvenile, flower-like yet classy. She was naive and innocent, yet feisty when it came to bullies like Derek Tombow. Although she was growing taller like me by the day, she reminded me more of Nancy than myself. But I secretly took pride in and felt accomplished by the fact Holly was a nerd, just like her big brother. She sure is living up to the Wheeler name. 

     I however was not. I haven't told a soul, but I've been struggling deep down. The trauma, the flashbacks, the PTSD, the night sweats, I haven't been handling things well at all. Anything could come after us at any moment. Loved ones or ourselves could be wiped out before we even know it. We could come home to blood splattered walls, limbs hanging from the fan, any day. I'm suffering. but I'm not one to admit that to anyone else. I feel pathetic and weak. All the others have their respective strengths, but I have nothing. All I have to show is my ex-girlfriend. Who beat the shit out of the mind flyer and Vecna. I have no right to be shoving my phycological issues into everyone's business when they all have their own things to deal with and heal from. There is no room for me to breakdown because i haven't even been through the worst of it. 

     Holly was ultimately clueless as to what's going on. For her and our parents, life was only chaotic because they were housing another family. For me, the days felt heavier and were filled with unknown anticipation. Hawkins was completly different now since our town split in four. It affected everyone, but of course the oblivious people, my parents and Holly included, were less affected because they didnt understand and had faith in our government. The military and other men I didn't recognize took over everything. Our everyday lives were now dictated by soldiers who think they can protect us. People who think they are in control and on top of things. If only they knew what we knew. How all of this is completely unmanageable and has been lurking in the background for what felt like forever. 

     A huge base has been set up in the middle of Hawkins, making life seem even more unreal. The MAC-Z, or military access control zone was where they think theyre containing everything, but theres no way they ever could. Things have been dormant for a while. Therefore, they think they have it under control. But we know Vecna has other plans. We know he is healing, rebuilding, planning. Will can feel it. He hasn't had a feeling in a while, but we know this isnt over. El can't find him in the void or anywhere. But we know its only a matter of time before he comes back to finsih what he started. I dont know what is going on, but I know there's things people arent telling me. Something feels off. It always feels this way. I think everyone is trying to put it off and ignore it, but everyone is terrified. Mortified by the thought of what is coming for us.