When I Needed You Most {A Salvis Fanfic}

{ Not The Way A Boy Should Feel }

(1085 words)

Sally Face, Larry Johnson, And Ashley Campbell had me cornered in an empty classroom, repeating the words that'd been said before. By me. The words echoed in the empty classroom, right into my ears, ringing into them. It felt unreal, like there was no fucking way they'd say that to me. Not Larry, Not Ash, Not Sally Face.

It didn't hurt as much from Larry and Ashley as it did from Sally Face. It honestly felt like a dagger going straight through my heart. Does he hate me because of the things I've done? Can I fix it somehow? "Faggot." "Idiot!" "Fuck you." "God will never love you! Why should I?" "Freak!" I never thought I'd hear these words being spit back at me, especially not so harshly, and not from them, and it felt terrible.

Is this really.. how I made them feel? I feel like such a shitty person, and I might be. They continued, cornering me even more, as if trying to make me more claustrophobic, and practically pushing into my personal space. My heart was beating rapidly and unsteadily, and I felt a small tremble rush through my body.

Suddenly I jolted up from my bed. Fuck, that was just a dream? It.. felt so real, so degrading, so shitty. I looked around my room, it suddenly feeling a lot more dark than it did when I fell asleep. I'm soaked in sweat and I still feel my heart banging against my chest, and a small shake in my hands. What if they actually did that?

I anxiously checked my alarm clock to see what time I've woken up this time. 6:30 AM, around the time I need to get up for school anyways. I stretched my limbs and slowly got up from my bed. My body felt extremely heavy, and I had zero motivation to get out of my bed I've practically molded myself to. When I managed to get myself up, I put on the same outfit I wear pretty much everyday, a pair of long cargo shorts and my mom's old purple sweater she used to wear before she passed away.

I looked at myself in the mirror... I didn't like what I saw, but I didn't know how to change it. I brushed down my wavy blonde hair and slicked it down with gel. As I finished doing my hair I grabbed my shoes and slipped them on and tied them sloppily. I'm still tired, getting woken up by my nightmare far too early.

I looked at myself again in the mirror, feeling suddenly sick to my stomach. Had I gained weight recently? My eyes searched my reflection and my brain picked out every flaw I have. Suddenly I felt a bit more self conscious. I turned the mirror backward and tried to ignore it.

I marched to my bathroom and grabbed my toothbrush. My mind raced as I brushed my teeth, how am I supposed to act now that I knew what it felt like to Sally Face, Larry, and Ashley when I called them names or bullied them? What if they notice the change in my behavior and start talking about me? The worst thought yet crossed my brain. "What if Sally Face hates you and never talks to you again?"

I practically choked on my toothpaste, quickly spitting it out. Tears welled in my grey-blue eyes, and now I feel even worse about the things I've said.

Of course, Sally Face has never said anything mean to me before.. actually quite the opposite.

When he found my note in the bathroom back then, he leaned against the opposite side of the stall and talked to me, and was the kindest I think anyone's ever been to me. "I don't think you're a bad person, Travis." His voice rang in my ears and suddenly tears rushed down my cheeks at an even quicker rate.

He always knew exactly what to say, and when. I remember feeling my chest hurt in the bathroom stall when he said that. No one has ever told me that they see good in me, ever. It meant the world to me, and I always hold that small sentence close to me, even if it didn't mean anything to him. He sat with me that day, on the opposite side of the stall, and understood me. Better than anyone else did. Better than anyone else tried to.

He made me believe I was worth something that day.

I gently wiped my tears and turned on the sink, splashing my face with water to get rid of the evidence of my tears. My dad wouldn't like me showing weakness, he thinks it's not masculine. My dad, Kenneth Phelps, the pastor at a church, believes I have to be completely perfect in the words of God. I could never be homosexual, he'd probably drown me in Holy Water. After I dried off my face I walked down the steps to see my dad looking at me.

His voice boomed darkly in the kitchen, "What the hell took you so long Travis?" I froze and then stammered nervously, "My hair wouldn't, uh listen, dad!" He shook his head in disappointment, "Travis, God would want you to have punctuality!" I nodded, and quickly spoke back, "Y-Yes, I know, I'm sorry father." My father raised his hand but put it back down when he seen that I wasn't showing any emotion.

  He seemed happier with that. He brushed off his clothes and fixed his posture, "Well then, for your punishment you have to do Bible study for an extra two hours." My eyes widened, he let me off the hook? He must've had a really good day. I nodded and said, "Of course, father!"

With that, he headed to the car and I followed closely behind so I wouldn't be yelled at, and made sure I got into the passenger seat quickly enough to please him. I buckled in, and he started to quote some lines from the Bible, and I listened closely, knowing I'd be quizzed on them later. He drove me to school slowly, and I felt the anxiety I felt in my nightmare bubble up again, not knowing what to do about Sally Face's friend group.

How are we feeling about this chapter? It's my first time REALLY writing an in depth, emotional story like this. I hope it's not too cringey or illiterate. Feel free to give constructive criticism.