Life After Rehab ✓

[Chapter Twenty-Eight] Where Friendships Are Tested

"Well you need it." Nia said and I felt like I was a kid in trouble but I guess to be fair I had gotten myself in a mess.

"I know. I'll see Robert once a week again and start going to group on a different day as her or find a new one." I didn't want to open up to new people but at the same time I didn't want to go talk about my problems and failures to some of the same people that she did.

"I think that's a good decision." Decision, the second good one I've made for myself in a while all my other ones have been kind of crappy.

"How is she?" I asked Nia and she sighed

"Let's talk about you." I knew they were torn between the two of us and it was a fine line they were walking.

"Please just tell me." I needed to know

"She's doing horrible actually and Nia's trying to spare your feelings so you don't feel worse about yourself so stop asking." I felt like there was a hole in my heart.

Have you ever had that feeling when you miss something or someone so horribly that you literally feel like there's a hole there now, like your chest is aching and there's nothing you can do about it but just let the pain radiate?

This was a throbbing pain that wasn't going to go away.

"I want to know." I told them and Nia looked at me uncertainly.

"She cries herself to sleep, won't leave her room and went looking for Macy for drugs." Nia told me and I felt sick all over again, I knew what I did was horrible but it killed me that I caused her to feel that way too, that I hurt her enough to turn or at least try to turn back to Heroin.

"I followed her, I'm not stupid and neither is Drew. She knows you called Jackson and she knows you called Kimberly after she left." I think I was actually going to be sick.

"It was a mistake." I looked at the hole in my wall from where Drew through the bottle and I barley remembered it, I was so drunk.

"This whole situation was a bad mistake." Lucca said and I sat down on the couch and nodded. Nia leaned her head against my shoulder.

"If you love her don't give up." She told me and I shook my head because it wasn't that simple, after what I did I had no right trying to prove anything to her.

"I have no right to do that to her when I've put her through enough."

"But it doesn't just hurt you, being away from each other hurts her too." She was giving me the loon everyone else did, they were getting frustrated with me and it's not that I don't want her, it's that I'll end up driving myself insane if I keep holding out hope, it wasn't going to get me anywhere and it wasn't going to help me try to move forward and figure out my life.

"She hates me." I whispered because she does, she doesn't love me and I wouldn't hear those words again.

"She's the one who wanted us here, we were already coming but she's so worried about you right now because she loves you and if you love her then you owe it to her and yourself to find you again, to find the man she fell in love with and the one who made you feel like yourself again. You'll get her back by working on yourself but also reminding her that you love her and aren't going to give up, but don't tell her that if you're not willing to. You have everything still to lose and I wish you would grab onto that part of you that is the real you and fight to unbury him." Nia always had a way with words and it made you admire her and love her that much more.

"I don't know who I am anymore, Nia. Maybe I am just this bad guy, maybe that's the real me."

"No, that's the weak you and you're not fucking weak man." Lucca pissed me off sometimes