Heart on Repeat

Chapter 2: Chasing Shadows

Summer had arrived, and school was finally over. But my mind was still stuck on school—and on Alex. To keep busy, I decided to take a math program to continue learning. As the days passed, I absorbed more and more knowledge, though I definitely started goofing around sometimes—lol.

Even with all that, my heart and mind couldn't stop thinking about Alex. I found myself stalking him on my other account, wondering where everything went wrong.

On June 25, his birthday, I was sitting in class debating whether I should text him. Remember when I told you he had blocked me? Well, he unblocked me. At the time, I was talking to someone else, so I didn't really want anything with Alex anymore. It didn't work the first time—why would it work the second time? But I still wanted to be on good terms with him.

I told my friends about my idea. Some said it was a bad idea; others said it was fine. My twin, my beautiful twin, told me to follow my heart—and I did. I texted him:

"Hey, I know we don't talk anymore, but I just want to wish you a happy birthday. I know you probably won't even see this, but I just want to say I hope all your dreams come true."

I wasn't expecting a reply—but he replied anyway: "Thank u." I was geeking out.

Later, he asked, "What made you text me tho?" I told my friends, and they said it sounded rude and to not answer him no more. But I didn't listen to them and I explain to him my reason. I told him I just remembered and decided to do it. He thanked me again and my final message was:

"Well, that's it from me. Happy birthday—I hope you do great this soccer szn."

He replied again with "Thank u," and I left it at that. Two hours later, he texted again: "Btw I'm sorry for yk." I knew exactly what he meant—he was apologizing for ghosting me and leading me on. I accepted his apology.

We started talking again, of course, and he quickly returned to being flirty and goofy, matching each other's energy. We talked about soccer, which was a nice way to start again. He asked if I had moved on, and I said: "No, you have though."

After he ghosted me the first time, he had started dating a girl named Leslie. Seeing that broke my heart. He did all the things I had wanted him to do with me—hugging, kissing her in front of people—but never me. That's when I knew he was embarrassed of me.

Back to summer—when I told Alex that he had moved on, he said, "Nah, I don't talk to her no more." I was screaming with happiness inside. He said she was being weird, and she was going to change schools anyway. I was happy, but I knew he still had feelings for her, even if he denied it.

Time went on, and we didn't even last a month before he started being weird again—dry texting, leaving me on seen. Once, he left me on seen for five hours. I joked: "You're so cute for leaving me on seen." He replied: "Ni***, I have practice," two hours later.

I knew something was about to happen, so I stayed chill. Eventually, he apologized for leaving me on seen, and I responded calmly. But then he ghosted me for the second time. I laughed it off because I was already talking to someone else—someone I liked a lot.

I ended up dating this guy named, Kevin, for six months, but Alex never left my mind. I would hang out with Kevin, and Alex would notice. There seemed to be something in him—he didn't like seeing us together—but I tried not to care... though I kind of did.

Sophomore year started and that's when I started to change everything about me. I transformed my style, wore less makeup—basically became the type of girl Alex liked. Maybe it made him jealous. Maybe he wanted me back. Who knows?

Kevin and I joined the school soccer team together, and to my surprise Alex joined too. He would foul Kevin on purpose when they would be on opposite teams, as if he didn't like him. Eventually, I broke up with Kevin for something he did. Thanks to God, I did.

After that, I'm pretty sure Alex found out. He would always stare at me, follow me with his eyes wherever I went. Even his friends started pushing him towards me. I joined a program that would help me get college credits, forgetting for a moment that Alex was there too. Seeing him again surprised both of us. As long as I didn't interact with him, everything would be fine... or so I thought.

One day, I discovered my friend Joseph was friends with Alex. I explained everything I'd been through and asked if he could help me figure out Alex's feelings. Joseph agreed.

Alex had been giving signs that he liked me—he would talk about me, stare at me, smile at me, and his friends would notice too. I wasn't delusional. Joseph tried to confront him subtly. Alex saw me and avoided me, Joseph noticed and decided to ask the big question:

"Why? Is it because you still like Mia?"

Alex laughed, pushed him away gently, and said: "Fuck no," before walking off. Joseph looked embarrassed and told me everything. I said I didn't care, but deep down... it hurt.

So, was I delusional? Or did Alex have feelings I just couldn't see?