You can teach a dog not to bite

ᐡ ᐧ ﻌ ᐧ ᐡ I'm living in a [%&$#]ing cartoon

It became too much. I felt sick, the room was too hot. The air was stuffy, I thought I was going to suffocate just sitting there. Pulling that blanket off my body was a chore in of itself.

With an almost painful rush of adrenaline, I snapped up in the bed, chest heaving frantically while I stumbled out of the dog bed. Everything including the very air around me was closing in. Everything that touched me overwhelmed every one of my senses. Like anything I touched was trying to merge with my skin, peeling back the layers until able to nest within. The terrifying visuals of that became more visible the more I panicked over it.

The more I continued to stand and breathe, the harder it became to not panic.

"Where's... Where's... [&*$%]... Where's Ragatha..?"

I flung open my door and trudged out into the hallway, my lungs inhaling deeply the open, cold air of the circus. It was enough to set me straight for a moment, gathering enough sense to actually see where I was going. Unfortunately, it didn't do much to steady my shaking limbs. Remembering Ragatha's door was right there, I knocked loudly, using both hands to lean against the wood to no avail.

She wasn't there.

knock knock

She wasn't there. I felt sick.

knock knock knock

Please.

BANG

PLEASE

Fresh tears started to fall, stinging my dry eyes. Why did crying hurt so much if I had no need for it? What did this serve if not just for torture. Between gasps, I grabbed and used the wall to guide my hand as I walked back to where I had initially come from. Praying at least someone could be here for me.

I was still panting, a constant ringing in my ears that forced a pounding to start within my head, filling my veins with dread. I was almost about to faint from being light headed had I not turned a corner. My body crashed head first into someone on accident, the only damage done was to my ass when I fell back.

I struggled to stay upright, the lightheaded feeling dragging my head back like a sack of bricks before I could prop myself up on my hands.

"Ugh, watch where you're going." It was Jax. Of course...

"I-I wasn't..." My voice trembled, the shock of the encounter clearing the fog from my brain like white noise, "Sorry." I mumble, slowly starting to push myself off the floor.

He didn't help, of course not, I didn't expect him to. I didn't expect him to sneer at me so long either, standing there like I was standing in his own home with shit on my shoes.

"Just... Where's Ragatha." I rub my eyes, leaning my back flat against the wall to hopefully and fully get rid of this disgusting feeling.

Hope was a very strong word.

"Y'know, if you didn't run off and hide last night, you probably would've known that Raggy was asked to help Caine with something! And to be honest, it was REALLY rude to deny Caine's adventure." Jax spoke with such blaring condescension I had to take a second to actually register it. What do you mean last night? The day wasn't even...

"JAX! Stop being mean!!" Ragatha's voice rang out, hearing it giving me a sense of comfort. I flicked my eyes around and realized that everyone had joined to see what torment Jax was giving me.

His presence was... Demanding to say the least. His need for attention was extremely toxic, but to my own lack of amusement, what he said was so out of pocket it gave me something else to think about. I guess... I can give him a point there. Even if it was super shitty to say, I'm sure it wasn't really meant to be that harsh.

My eyes made their way back to him and lingered for a moment. I mean, despite all I was being given, I still wanted to assume he wasn't actually a complete rat's ass. I mean, Ragatha keeps trying to be nice to him, so why shouldn't I?

Jax rolled his eyes and pushed himself past me, knocking into my shoulder almost making me lose my balance.

Okay, nevermind.

"What the hell is your problem?!" I snapped back, turning and shoving him the same as he shoved me.

But my hands didn't collide.

They went through.

He and I both yelled in agony as I quickly yanked my hands back. The spots on his back from where I had gone through were shifting frantically, glitching with different colors and shapes. My hands, when I looked down, were doing the same.

While the moment had only lasted for a few seconds, everyone else's panic lasted longer.

"A-ARE YOU OKAY!?" Ragatha grabbed my hands, hers touching mine so delicately. She flipped them, touched them, moved them, held them. She wasn't experiencing the same thing Jax and I were. She was holding me just fine.

What wasn't fine was how Jax looked at me, or, my hands. He clutched his left, lower abdomen, frozen in place, petrified. I could only stare back, shaken up with the same, terrified look in my eyes.

For a moment that felt like minutes, I was already being taken away, dragged along with the group and away from Jax. I tried to keep looking at him, maybe see if he'd get up and leave, but the moment my eyes were taken off of him he was gone. I was left only with my hands to stare at.

"I'm really sorry about him!" Ragatha exclaimed, her hand squeezing mine... tight. I didn't like it.

"No it's... it's fine. He... I guess he's the reason you're not finding me collapsed, so..." I mumbled that last part, not wanting to loudly claim that he was helpful. Because it really wasn't him being helpful, just lucky.

"Oh..!" That was the first time I heard such a negative, unappealing sound come from Ragatha. I guess she really did have a grudge against Jax.

"Anyways!" Pomni jumped in between the settling silence and started the group to move again, my hand still locked in Ragatha's grasp, "Now that you're awake, we wanted to give you, like, an actual tour of the circus. Y'know, all the spots we actually use."

Following along was the only option I had, humming quietly to myself for comfort while continuing to look back at the empty spot Jax once took up.