Falling into my past

1. Before the Gates

The chandelier above me sparkled like a sky I couldn't reach-cold and beautiful, just like every other thing in this house.
I sat alone in the corner of the study, still clutching the letter in my hands with both hands. I've read it at least three times yet the words don't lose their weight.

Congratulations. You have been awarded a full academic scholarship to Blackwood Academy....

My heart races each time I read it. Not because I'm excited--well,maybe a little--but because I'm afraid it will vanish the second I start to believe it's real.

"If you've gotten in,good. Just don't embarass us. " I heard my adoptive mother say from across the study.

That's the closest thing to pride I'll ever get from her. At least she was able to mask her disdain with indifference.

I stared down at the letter again and my hands clutched it even tighter,but I won't cry. Not here. I was used to that kind of treatment anyways.

This house has never felt like home. Not with its marble floors and silent rooms and people who don't even bother about my existence unless I'm in their way .But Blackwood Academy might be different . It had to be different. So I resolved then that no matter what it took I would matter in that school. Blackwood Academy would be where everything starts to change.

I stepped out of the study and walked towards my room--a small living space which would have surely been used for storage if not for me--at the most quiet corner of the third floor. I walked past the rooms on either side of the corridor hoping to evade any possible drama .But just as I was about to safely pass her room the devil's incarnate stepped out. Still I continued to walk hoping she wasn't in a mood to taunt

"I heard you got into Blackwood. Can't wait to see how long you last. "Stacie kim sneered. I should have known she wouldn't pass up a chance to irk me.

Not one for drama, I just stared blankly at her. My silence seemed to put her off because she walked away ,but not before throwing in another disrespectful remark .

"At Blackwood, make sure no one knows we're sisters . I mean it's still going to get out, but I'd rather not associate with you."she said laying heavy emphasis on the 'you'.

I watched the back of the girl who used to regard me as a sister retreat for a while ,suppressing the urge to pull at her hair and cause major damage ,then walked to my room. Tolerance was an essential skill for survival when living with the kims.

I surveyed the small room as I walked towards my bed . For a while I just laid there ,the letter still in my hands. Eventually I let out a tired sigh, got off the bed and reached for the small chest I kept hidden under my bed. I took out a picture of Mr Kim and me ,and finally smiled.

"What would you have told me if you were here?"I whispered.

He would probably have smiled and said he was proud of me. I wouldn't even need the scholarship if Mr Kim were here. But there was no point in dwelling on that. He was gone, and nothing could change that fact .

I replaced the picture and returned the chest . Seeing Mr Kim's smile had done exactly what I wanted. It had strengthened my resolve . Because I knew wherever he was ,he wanted me to be happy . And I would find that happiness for his sake if not mine.

Knowing fully well that i couldn't sleep with all the pent up excitement ,I decided to unwind a little by staring out my window. A breeze slipped through, carrying the scent of midnight rain .

From my third-floor room, the city sprawled below in quiet brillance. There was something about the way the city shimmered beneath the dark velvet sky--it's lights twinkling like scattered stars caught between rooftops and riverbanks--that always seemed to calm my nerves. This was one of the rare moments since the past year that I didn't regret coming to London.

London--a city filled with elegance and mystery. I wondered for the umpteenth time what kind of future it had in stall for me.That night, for the first time in years I felt something stir in me .
Not fear.
Not grief.
Just a flicker of hope.
A place. A purpose. A chance.