saudade • lookism (LOOKISM X M! OC/READER)

CHAPTER ONE ✦ WONDER.

little a/n before we start

idk how many lookism fans read shit on here i think a lot more than ao3 but hi. this fic is horribly horribly self indulgent and probably cringe to anybody thats not me but it came abt bc i get sick of lookism reader inserts where the inclusion of the reader doesn't really mean anything. like you read it and its the same plot the same lines with like 2 extra sentences and its like why am i reading this and not just rereading lookism at this point.

and so Chul Myeon and this fic was birthed. its a oc insert but is 2nd pov bc that's my preferred style ive got the /reader brainrot when it comes to writing. early stuff focuses on Chul/Johan which moves pretty fast and then mellows and slows as it gets into the jhigh stuff.

so yeah lmk if you like this lookism is my fav comic ever im horrifically autistic about it i play w the characters like ocs in my head theyre all my babies if you think theyre mischaracterized in this nu uh thats just my take on them and im right none of these chars are "dom daddy" chars theyre autistic high schoolers who i love dearly

crossposted this on ao3 if u wanna read it there its got the same name

anyway xoxo have fun reading the ramblings of an autistic man i love lookism <3!!

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You wonder where he's gone. You wonder what's happened to him since he left. You wonder why he left, if he really had a choice at all in the matter. You wonder if he really wanted to. If he really betrayed everyone. If he really betrayed you.

Wonder, wonder, wonder.

Sinu, Sinu, Sinu.

Gone, gone, gone.

The first person to betray you was Sinu Han.

Fingers clutching at the fabric of the other boy's shirt, you can't help but sniffle, face smearing snot and bitter tears against Jake's shirt. The hand he settled atop your head is a small comfort. Not enough to stop the tears. Just enough to make you cry harder.

"He couldn't," you remind yourself to breathe, gasping for air for a moment. "He wouldn't have done that. Ever. I can't- what the hell did I miss?"

You sob. It's so very heartbreaking for a boy to be told that his greatest inspiration sold them all off. Sold him off. Sold you off. The boy chasing his coattails trying to prove himself to the man who spent his whole life devoted to a group of people.

To a group he betrayed anyway.

"I know, it's...tough." Jake murmurs, hands moving to catch your wrists to try and pry you away, making you wince before he realizes. "Shit- I forgot, I'm sorry."

The bandages wrapped down from your wrist to your elbow ache at the contact. He's quick to let go once he realizes his mistake, fingers instead moving up to your long dark hair. It's a familiar comfort, though usually not given by the boy you're clinging to.

Red slightly peeks through your bandages, though likely not nearly as bad as it was when you got the wound a few weeks ago. When you leaped in front of Sinu, taking a makeshift weapon straight down the wrist for his safety. How your brain thought you'd bleed out once your wrist was slit, the silent shock delaying your panic just long enough for someone to rush you to Yeonhui to patch you up. To which of course you proceeded to collapse from blood loss.

When you awoke a few hours ago, she informed you that it's been a week, meeting your questions about Sinu being okay with a look of almost...guilt. Before she hurried off to get the boy before you, the man whose jacket hanging from his shoulders once belonged to your mentor. Inherited by Jake, because he's gone. Betrayed the group, they tell you. Tried to sell Big Deal to workers before Jake caught him and stopped him.