The Nerd I Never Noticed

Chapter Twenty-Four

Bumuntong-hininga si Adela at humarap kay Yohan. "Tutal, malapit na rin naman tayong mag-one month, 'yon naman ang usapan natin. So… there's no need para patagalin pa. Nakuha na natin 'yung gusto natin. Nakatakas na ako sa problema ko."

"I don't want to get stuck in another fake relationship na hindi ko gusto… like the one Kevin wanted," she added, her voice firmer this time.

Hindi sumagot si Yohan, yumuko lang siya. He didn't know what to say. All he knew was that his heart was breaking, piece by piece, and every word she said felt like another crack spreading through his chest. It was suddenly hard to breathe, even harder to face her.

And for some reason, nainis si Adela sa expression ni Yohan. He looked so down, and Adela hated that she could tell he really was. Because if he was, then she had no choice but to assume something she didn't want to admit:

That maybe… Yohan didn't want this to end.

Yet despite that idea, Adela couldn't bring herself to ask Yohan if he liked her—if everything he did, every word, every gesture, had a deeper meaning behind it, or if they were all just casual to him.

Hindi niya kayang direktang tanungin si Yohan. Hindi niya kayang komprontahin siya tungkol sa mga sign na nakikita niya, na baka guni-guni lang din naman niya. Ang iniisip ni Adela, baka palabas lang lahat. Hindi totoo. And if she dared to bring it up, baka mapahiya lang siya sa huli.

Hindi niya p'wedeng paniwalaan ang isang bagay na hindi naman totoo. As if it's all just… a myth.

"Let's end our deal… and start as friends, Yohan," sabi ni Adela, and those words completely shattered Yohan's heart. Pakiramdam niya, diretsong pag-reject ang narinig niya.

Bumigat ang paghinga ni Yohan. "Pa'no 'yung… pa'no 'yung parents mo? I just had lunch with them last Saturday," he said with a forced laugh, trying to lighten the mood but failing miserably.

"Hindi ko naman kailangang sabihin agad-agad sa kanila na we already stopped dating. I'll just..." Adela shrugged. "Mention it next week, maybe."

"As much as I want to keep eating dinner with you, Yohan, pero... we both know we can't stay like that forever," paliwanag ni Adela, her voice gentle but firm.

"Paano tayo magiging friends kung malalaman ng mga tao that we stopped dating?" tanong ni Yohan, trying to sound calm, pero halatang may halong inis ang boses niya. It was too overflowing, he couldn't hide it even if he tried.

Bigla rin namang uminit ang ulo ni Adela. "Then what do you suggest? That we date for real?"

Agad na bumilis ang tibok ng puso ni Adela. She blurted that out without thinking it through. Pero wala na siyang magagawa. Ang tanging kaya na lang niyang gawin ay kabahan at hintayin ang magiging sagot ni Yohan.

Umiwas ng tingin si Yohan, he couldn't handle it anymore. Gusto niyang sabihin na oo, let's date for real, but he couldn't. Bakit naman niya sasabihin 'yon kung ayaw naman ni Adela, 'di ba? Kahit gusto niya, hindi naman niya p'wedeng pilitin si Adela.

"Ano naman if we stopped dating? P'wede naman nating sabihin na we just didn't work out. But that doesn't mean we couldn't be friends," dagdag pa ni Adela, trying to sound reasonable.

Hindi makasagot si Yohan. Pakiramdam niya, ang insensitive ni Adela. It's easy for people like her to say that, because she wasn't the one who got rejected. Gusto niyang maging kaibigan ni Adela, but at least… give him time to take everything in. Pero kung pipiliin niyang umiwas, mali na ba agad siya? Is it wrong to choose distance? Can people like him just be expected to understand and brush it off? Is it invalid if he didn't? Is it wrong if he chose to… hurt?

But who am I kidding? We weren't even really dating in the first place, he thought.

"Paano kung bumalik si Kevin?" biglang tanong ni Yohan.

Napakunot ang noo ni Adela at humalukipkip. "He wouldn't. Bakit naman siya babalik? I practically rejected him when I announced I was dating you."

And now, I am the one you're rejecting, Yohan thought bitterly.

Bumuntong-hininga si Adela. "Ayoko nang ma-involve sa mga loveteam-loveteam at fake dating, Yohan."

Yohan scoffed. "Yet you were the one who offered it."

Nagulat si Adela sa sinabi niya, and her irritation flared. "Excuse me? Ako ba ang nag-offer sa'yo?!"

"Pumayag ka naman. You still needed me," sagot ni Yohan, his voice sharp and annoyed.

Napanganga si Adela, hindi makapaniwala kung saan na napunta ang usapan nila.

Adela scoffed, hindi pa rin makapaniwala. "Bakit sinusumbat mo 'yon sa'kin?"

Hindi naman nakasagot si Yohan. Tumalikod lang siya, ramdam ang konsensya na unti-unting sumisiksik sa dibdib niya.

"Bakit ka ba naiinis, Yohan? Ha? Hindi ko ma-gets, eh. Malinaw naman ang usapan natin no'ng una. Ba't ka naiinis na sinabi kong itigil na natin? Ba't ka naiinis na sinabi kong maging friends tayo?" sunud-sunod na tanong ni Adela, hindi na rin napigilan ang inis niya.

Humarap ulit si Yohan sa kanya. "Kasi ayaw ko," he admitted, catching Adela off-guard. She noticed how his brows furrowed, like he was on the verge of crying.

"Tama ka, Adela. You shouldn't get involved in fake dating anymore. You shouldn't get involved with me ever again," sabi ni Yohan, and with that, he turned his back and left Adela standing there: frozen in place and stunned.

Tutal, hanggang fake boyfriend mo lang naman ako, 'di ba? Hanggang do'n lang ang kaya kong abutin. Hanggang do'n lang ang kaya kong maging... para sa'yo, Yohan thought.

Pumasok si Yohan sa loob ng bahay nina Adela para kunin ang bag niya at magpaalam sa mga magulang nito. Pagkatapos, nilampasan niya si Adela na nakatulala pa rin sa kinatatayuan niya—hindi man lang siya tinapunan ng tingin.

Pagkalabas ni Yohan ng gate, doon na nagpaunahan ang mga luhang kanina pa pinipigilan ni Adela.

Kaya nga gusto ko nang itigil 'tong fake dating na 'to, eh. Ang hirap kapag may feelings nang nasasangkot, Adela thought.

Pero nakakainis. Nakakainis si Yohan. Nakakainis 'yung paraan ng reaksyon niya, as if... as if he likes me.

Kaya gusto ko na ring tapusin 'to. Dahil hindi ko na alam kung saan ako lulugar. Hindi ko na alam kung paano lumugar. Kung may linya pa ba. Kung may boundaries pa ba. I don't know where I stand in his life anymore, Adela thought.

Yet here she was, still standing exactly where Yohan left her—or was she the one who walked away? Still wondering what went wrong, what she did wrong, and why everything ended in a way she neither intended nor wanted.

If he likes me, why can't he just say it?

But then again... why can't I ask him, either? Adela frustratingly wondered.

Pero bigla niyang naalala 'yung sinabi niya kay Eleanor kanina. She can't just date Yohan just because he likes her, if that's even true, or even just because she likes him. For Adela, that's not enough reason for people to date.

Yohan, on the other hand, walked fast, heading nowhere in particular. He just wanted to get away.

Wala siyang ibang magawa kundi malunod sa sakit na dulot ng ideya na... hindi pa nga sila nagsisimula ni Adela, pero siya na mismo ang tumapos.

For Yohan, what happened earlier felt like the end of a chapter... one that may never get the chance to have another.