2 years nearly

it's okay

It's okay...
The weather is pretty cool, and now you have to wake up to live in the same loop. Am I looked up? Everybody says that you need money. Everybody is proposing many solutions for you, and now it's your turn to say, “Yeah, I'll do it, of course,” and you'll ask more about it—how to do it, and if there are some people who have done it before. And boom—you'll get beautiful examples where birds are singing and everyone is smiling.

But in your deepest self, you know that you won't do it, because you're a failure, man? Probably, yeah. Or let’s say it with a motivated sentence:
“Why not? Yeah, I'm a failure, and I'm proud of myself.”
This is reality in the end, because you simply can't move on from this swamp, where you're just laughing at stupid short videos—especially when they're describing your fucking reality.

Is it awful to talk about yourself in this way?
I don't think so.
Because I'm still that person who wants to change his situation by listening to some rude songs that make him smile temporarily—like an idiot escaping his own reality.

Oh, I think I talked too much about my embarrassing situation... but this is reality.
I can't apply your solutions.
I'm so thankful for you caring about a bad person like me...
But simply, I can't.
You know why?
Because the only thing I need... is her.
I don't need your money.
I don't want to live in your beautiful imagination.
I just need to meet her... and tell this pretty girl how much I miss her.

I want to tell her the truth:
"Yes, I love you. And if I tell you now that I can't live without you—I mean it. I'm not lying. I'm not like the others. Trust me."

But...
Does she love you?

Yeah, that’s a smart question.
Because marrying someone means both of you love each other.
Am I wrong?
No... I’m not.

Yeah… yeah… yea… ye... y...

She doesn’t love me.
But it was pretty fun to live this experience.
Something I won’t forget.
Because loving Elsa was beautiful.
But being loved by her... was just a dream.

I’m sorry, Adrian,
For making you live in a stupid illusion.
I'm sorry for not focusing on our goals.
I’m sorry for making you trust all my false promises
About changing our situation,
And becoming the good boy our parents deserve.

I’m sorry.

Now... it's time to move on.

See you later, fail man.
See you later, Elsa.