Start A War

PROLOGUE

“I missed you”

I heard a familiar voice behind me and felt an arm wrap around my waist. I turned around to see who it was.. It was him.
to speak about it. I just let him.
I didn’t answer. I didn’t know what to say.  I turned back in a different direction. Waiting for my kuya to pick me up. I was uncomfortable, but as always, I did not want any of this attention.

“Silent treatment won’t work on me, babe. I know you’ve missed me too.” I heard his voice again. This man hasn’t changed one bit.

“Hey, mind losing your arm on her waist? She’s clearly uncomfortable with the attention you’re giving her.” I heard another voice. That voice was very very familiar. How could I forget?  That voice was the one who saved me.

“Kung minamalas ka nga naman oh.” I mumbled. Parehas pa talaga silang nandito ngayon?! Same time, same place?!

Gosh, kuya, where are you! “Pst, oy! Layuan niyo nga yan, she’s clearly uncomfortable sa presence niyo parehas!” I heard another voice, but this voice I was glad to hear. “Kuya! Ang tagal ha!” I walked towards him. I’ve never been so relieved in my entire life!

“Ang oa mo, I only took 10 minutes.” he replied. “10 minutes is too long. Let’s go, uwing-uwi na ako.” I dragged him away from the two guys earlier. “Bakit madaling-madali ka yata, bunso? May ginawa sayo yung mga yun?” kuya asked.

“Hmm, wala naman. Uncomfortable lang ako sa presence nila. Biglaan ba namang sumulpot! Parang mga mushrooms e!” I ranted.

“Tama na yan. Ang ingay mo.” he pushed my head jokingly to make me shut up.

I couldn’t sleep. That scenario kept repeating in my mind. Sa dami-daming tao na pwedeng bumalik sa buhay ko, why them?!

I got up from my bed, and went to Kuya's room. “Kuya…!” I called. “Are you awake po?” I continued. “The door’s unlocked, bunso.” I heard him say. I opened the door and saw him lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. “You okay?” he asked. “Kinda, I’m just having trouble sleeping. Can we go to a convenience store? There’s no more milk left in the fridge.” I spoke.

“Let’s go.” he answered shortly.

We walked to the convenience store since it was malapit lang naman sa house. It was so quiet. The silence was so loud. I hated it, and kuya must’ve noticed. “You’ve been so quiet since I picked you up kanina. May ginawa ba sila sayo?” he  asked.

I didn’t really have the energy to answer. I was so deep in my thoughts. Very very deep. “You’ve been so down today, bunso. Mind telling kuya what’s up” he spoke again.

“Why is it so hard, kuya?” I finally spoke. “What do you mean?” he asked. “You advised me to let them go, and I did diba? You saw me. You witnessed my efforts in letting them go. Why did they have to come back? Is this my karma? Why?” ang dami. Ang dami daming tanong ang tumatakbo sa utak ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasagutin lahat. The questions I asked kuya weren’t even half of it.

“Yes, pero, bunso. I always tell you naman diba? Letting go, moving on, and healing takes time. You don’t have to rush yourself. You relapsed, yes. Pero you’ll make progress pa rin naman pakonti-konti eh.” that was my mistake. I rushed myself. I wanted to move on from the pain they caused me back then.

“Take your time with healing, nandito lang si kuya for you, alright?” He reassured me.

We finally arrived at the convenience store. That felt like the longest walk I have ever had.

“Kuya, can I also have this?” I showed him a can of soft drinks. “No, alam mo namang mataas acid mo diba?” he answered. “But kuya!” I whined. “I said no, bunso. We came here for milk and milk only, remember?” he said. “Opo, kuya.” I pouted. “Hindi mo ako makukuha jan sa pag papacute mo. Let’s pay and go.” he said.

When we got home, we went straight to the kitchen. He poured me a glass of milk and handed it to me.

“Mauuna na ako, antok na ako.” he said, I nodded as I took a sip from the glass. Hindi pa rin talaga maalis sa isip ko yung nangyari kanina.

I was there, seated on the couch. My cup of warm milk in my hand, staring into nothing as that scene kept repeating in my head. Sa dami-daming tao sa bansang ito, yung dalawa pa talaga? Bakit ba hindi na lang nila ako patahimikin. Payapa na yung buhay ko nang mawala sila oh!

Hindi tumagal ng antukin din ako because of the warm milk. Pero tinamad na akong tumayo pa at umakyat sa kwarto kaya nilapag ko na lang ang tasa sa coffee table at sa sofa na humiga at doon na natulog.

Later on, I woke up due to kuya, waking me up gently. He asked me something, but I couldn’t understand him. I was still half asleep. “Ha?” I said.

“Hotdog” I heard him answer.

Aba, babatukan ko ‘to. “Pucha,” I said quietly, thinking he wouldn’t hear anything.

“Anong sabi mo?” he suddenly asked. Ano ba naman yan.

“Wala, kuya. Sabi ko ang pogi mo.” I answered sarcastically. Antok pa ako, gosh.

“Watch your mouth ha. Ite-tape ko yan.” dapat talaga nanahimik na lang ako. “You wanna go to your room. I turned on your AC.  Mainit dito sa sala. Pinapawisan ka oh.” he said.

“Mamaya na, kuya. I’m still sleepy.” I replied. “Ang tamad mo.” he said as he pulled until we reached my room. “Diyan ka matulog. Ang init-init sa baba eh” he spoke when we got in front of the door.

I didn’t answer him and  just plopped on the bed, feeling tired. Everything suddenly hurt. My eyes were feeling heavy, I’m having a bad headache, and my body feels so hot and cold at the same time. I didn’t have the energy to get under the sheets, so I slept without a blanket to warm me up.

My eyes fluttered open, I instantly turned to look at the clock. 2 A.M pa lang pala. Ang bigat pa rin ng pakiramdam ko; ang bigat at ang sama. I closed my eyes once more just to get a bit more rest bago ako magsabi kay kuya na hindi ako papasok, but I can’t sleep! Inaantok na ako, but I can’t seem to fall asleep.

Napaka-unusual. Lagi naman ako nakakatulog ng mabilis pero bakit ganon? Kinuha ko na lang ang unan ko at dahan-dahang bumangon para bumaba sa living room. Baka mas makakatulog ako ng maayos sa sofa. 

Ayun nga, nakatulog talaga. Siguro baka nasanay na lang talaga akong natutulog dito sa sofa dahil sa mga oras na sobrang busy ako sa pag-aaral ay dito na lang rin ako nakakatulog at hinayaan naman ako noon ni kuya.

“Bunso,” I heard a voice as the one who spoke was shaking me softly. “ Ano na naman ba at dito ka natulog? Ang alam ko hinila kita papunta sa kwarto mo kagabi ah.” si kuya pala.. “Tsaka anong oras na oh. Hindi ka ba papasok? Okay ka lang ba? Kahapon ka pa matamlay.” sunod-sunod niyang tanong na naging dahilan ng lalong pagsakit ng ulo ko.

“Wait lang po ha, isa-isa lang. Baka sumabog utak ko dito.” I answered him/ “Eh bakit naman kasi dito ka na naman natulog eh may sarili ka namang kwarto, nakatodo pa nga aircon mo. Nakita ko na lang naiwang nakabukas pero wala ka doon.” he spoke again.

“Hindi ako makatulog sa kwarto last night kaya ako lumipat dito para matulog and, no, hindi ako papasok.” I answered all of his questions. “Bakit naman?” kuya asked.

Instead of answering verbally, I took his hand and placed it on the crook of my neck para sabihing nilalagnat ako. “Ang init mo!” he shouted. “Ang over!” I also shouted. Lagnat lang naman talagang kailangan pang sumigaw! Tape ko bunganga nito! “Sige na, matulog ka na lang ulit jan, I'll get you a wet towel.” he said at sinunod ko naman yon..