Not now

Smells like silence

Wrong.

Its been two days I haven't heard from Gerard.

When I see him at school, he doesn't look my way.

Why?

I tried going up to him and ask why he isn't talking to me, but he comes up with an excuse.

Maybe something is wrong in his family. Family problems. Yeah, thats why he's ignoring me.

No. He always comes to me with every problem, just like I do with him.

Something is wrong. Very wrong. But I will give it some time. We have been together for 5 months now. Everyday, together.

Yeah, its probably family problems. No big deal. I will give it a day or two.

Everything is fine.

February 9

Its been a week now. I haven't heard from him. Im worried than ever.

I dropped by his house, but his mom said that he was 'busy'.

February 18
2:18 am

Gerard, where are you? Please talk to me. Did I do something wrong? Gerard, did I fuck up? Please. Come over. I need your touch.

My thoughts are only about Gerard.
Its been almost three weeks.

Nothing. He hasn't called or texted.

I haven't seen Lindsey around either...
Whats going on?

March 2
4:27 pm

Gerard, we need to communicate.
Its been a month.
Where are you?
You said you will always be here by my side.
Everytime I see you, you have that shy look in your face. You only looked at me for a slit second.

Gerard please.

Im don't think I can be any more stronger.
Its been a month.

A month since we touched, kissed, and made love.
Please. Just talk to me. I wont hate you if you did something.

March 19
5:27 am

Gerard, I'm going crazy.

Im weak now.
I haven't slept, eaten, or gone to school everyday. I skip sometimes.

I broke my promise to you.

I promised to never ever hurt myself again.
Im sorry.

You would be disappointed in my if you pulled up my sleeves.

Im crying everyday for you, Gerard. Do you think of me? Am I still your baby? Do you stay up thinking about me? Us?

Gerard I cant be anymore stronger.

Please come save me.

April 15
11:14 pm

I tried to kill myself yesterday, Gerard.
Is this what you want?
What happened? Please talk to me.
I love you.
I miss you.
Please come back. Im weak without you.

Do you hate me, Gerard? Is that why?

I hate me now, too.

April 27
3:30 am

I left a voicemail for me. I apologized for what ever I did. I said I missed you. Which I do. Oh, god, I miss you so much.

I miss your lips against mine.

I hurt myself every single day.

Please just come back. I don't hate you, Gerard. I couldn't. Im giving up on myself, slowly.

May 4

Im failing english, Gerard.
I cant focus. I see you talking to your friends, even Lindsey, but not me.
What the fuck did I do?
You're being immature.
Even though I miss you, you're making me mad.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Its been a couple mouths I haven't heard from my 'boyfriend'.
I doubt he's mine anymore.
God knows what he's doing.

I really miss him.

Blades and alcohol are here for me, since he's not by my side.

I was in my room, until I went downstairs.

The phone started to ring.