Stutter (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 6

Louis nodded and Harry bounced up from his bed and they went outside to the car. “W-where are we g-g-going?” Louis asked after ten minutes.

“Not sure. Anywhere really. I just want to spend some time with you.” Harry smiled over at him and Louis smiled back. “So. I know you didn’t want to talk about it before, but any chance you want to tell me more about how you though about...you know... a lot?”

“C-c-can I write?” Louis asked.

Harry was surprised Louis answered, but nodded quickly and pulled over so he could grab a notebook and pen from the back before handing it to Louis. Harry kept driving and Louis wrote for the next 20 minutes. When Louis finished he held onto it. “Just a few more minutes,” Harry said and sure enough a few minutes later they arrived at a park. The grass was green, flowers were everywhere, and the park looked unused. “Not a lot of people know about this park because of how far out it is, but my mum used to bring me here a lot,” Harry explained.

They got out of the car walking to the hill before sitting down. Louis passed Harry the note to read.

Come on Harry. You can’t tell me that if you were in my situation you wouldn’t consider death as an option. I know it isn’t right, that it’s selfish, that there are people who would be devastated, but it’s hard. There are some days where I just scream because I can’t get one measly sentence out. I get bullied all the time, hear hurtful things on a daily basis, and being gay doesn’t exactly help my situation. My dad divorced my mum because they were fighting a lot, but I also heard him the night he left saying “You can keep that freak son of yours” My own father said that about me. It made me think, if someone who is biologically designed to love me doesn’t, how could anyone else? I was only 8 years old and I remember sitting in my bathroom for 2 hours with pills in one hand and a razor in the other. I didn’t do anything though because I heard my sisters looking for me and I remember them and they’re my entire world. I just got worse and soon every night I had nightmares and was constantly having this internal battle of what I was going to do. I kept a journal listening reasons why I should and shouldn’t be alive and everyday the shouldn’t side kept getting larger and larger. I’ve made it this far though, but with a few set backs. I have cut my thighs before. The night before starting this school I remember being scared out of my mind because my last school went so bad. I actually ended up in the hospital from a beating a group of kids gave me. I cut 4 times on each leg before my anxiety drop low enough for me to go to sleep. Then I started school and although Travis has pushed me back and hurt me, you guys make me happy. I haven’t done anything stupid since I started here and I know that isn’t long, but it’s better than nothing and I honestly don’t feel like doing it at all. Not even Travis or Taylor can bring me down right now. I realize I have this stupid sob story and my life is a complete mess, but with you guys, I feel normal. Like I’m getting a second chance and I can’t thank you guys enough. So I will promise something if you promise me something. I won’t think about, if you don’t. I know you said you’re past it, but it can sneak up on you and if it ever does I don’t want you thinking like that. I want you to come to me and if I have the same issue, I will come to you. Deal?

“Deal,” Harry smiled over at Louis. He folded the note stuffing it in his pocket.

Louis looked around the park before locking eyes on something, “S-swings!” Louis quickly jumped to his feet taking off towards the swings. Harry just laughed before following him.

“You’re such a little kid.”

“S-shut up and p-p-push me,” Louis stuck his tongue out and lowered his hands so Harry could grabbed the chains.

Harry pushed Louis back and forth for 15 minutes before his arms hurt, “I’m tired, here.” Harry walked around to the front, “Stand up,” He motioned. Louis stood up and Harry sat down before patting his lap.

“Y-you sure?” Louis asked.

Harry just smiled before grabbing Louis’ waist making him smiled and laugh as Harry pulled him onto his lap. Louis grabbed the chains and Harry wrapped his arms tightly around Louis’ waist as they swung back and forth. Louis leaned back into Harry’s arms and closed his eyes. Harry resting his head on Louis’ shoulder and smiled. A fluttering erupted in both their hearts that neither boy was reading to talk about just yet so they didn’t say anything. “This is nice,” Harry commented after about another 20 minutes of swinging. “I really like spending time with you Louis.”

“I l-like spending t-t-time with yo-ou too.” Louis turned his head so he could smile at him. Harry squeezed his waist before putting his feet down stopping the swing.

“Want to go get some ice cream?”

“Y-yes!” Louis jumped up off of Harry’s lap making him miss the contact instantly.

The two walked down the street to get their ice cream before walking back licking at their cones and letting the flavors dance over their tongue. Louis and Harry smiled every time their hands would brush together. Louis and Harry shared their cones each taking licks from the others. They finished them as they got back to the park and laid down on the hill staring at the sky. “T-thank you H-harry. Today was p-p-perfect.”

Harry tilted his head to the side locking eyes with Louis. “Yeah it was. Thank you for spending this perfect day with me. Louis smiled at Harry. They both just stared at each other before Harry broke the eye contact and glance down at Louis’ lips. He could feel himself leaning forward, but stopped himself. “We should um, probably head back now.”

Louis just nodded standing up and walking away. When they got in the car Louis asked, “C-can you just bri-ing me h-home?”

Harry wanted to say no. He wanted to just kiss him and ask him to stay. “Sure,” He said instead.

~.~

“M-mum?” Louis called out when he got home.

“Yes Boo?” She walked out of the kitchen and smiled at him. 

“Can w-we t-t-talk?”

“Of course. Come on,” She wrapped her arm around his shoulder bringing him to the living room to sit down. “What’s up?”

“I t-think I like H-harry.” Louis blushed pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his head on his knees smiling.

“Aw Louis, that’s so cute. Does he like you too?”

“I d-d-don’t think so. W-we were laying in t-t-the park and I t-thought he was going to k-kiss me, but d-didn’t.”

“Maybe he’s scared to. You two haven’t been friend very long he probably doesn’t want to ruin anything. Spend some more time with him and if things like that keep happening then ask him what’s going on. Or talk to those other boys. They’re his friends, maybe they know why he’s being shy or something.”

“Y-yeah you’re r-r-right. So how was w-work?”

“Long and boring. These people have no idea what they’re doing so I am literally like training the entire staff. If they can’t get a hang of things this division might be shut down and I’ll be sent to the next one.”

Louis’ eyes widen, “ W-we m-m-might have to m-move again?!”

Jay pulled her son into her arms. “Don’t worry BooBear. I am working hard and some of them are starting to learn it. I have a few more months and even then if it doesn’t work it will take them a while to reassign me. I told them I want you to graduate here and I am going to make sure of that okay?”

“O-okay. Love you m-mum.”

“Love you too. Now go see your sisters, they’ve been asking for you all day.”

Louis did as told smiling. He was kind of bored already though without Harry so he sent off a quick text.

Lou: Miss you already. Crash at my house tonight? :)

He never got a reply though.