Valentine, Texas

Chuuya's eyes open slowly and it takes a moment for him to realize that it's still dark out. He groans softly, rolling onto his side and rubbing his eyes. It's the third time he's woken up in the past 4 hours, simply unable to get the rest that his body so desperately needs.

After spending some time tossing and turning in an attempt to fall back asleep, he gets up, his vision becoming spotted and his head spinning. Still, despite the distracting spots in his eyes, he continues his journey to the bathroom almost effortlessly, as if he's done it a million times. In fact, he has done this a million times. Or at least that's how it seems to be.

By the time he's flicked on the lights and let his eyes adjust to the newfound brightness, the spots are long gone. Chuuya stares into his reflection. Everyday it seems like the circles under his eyes are getting darker. While he'd like to deny that Dazai's most recent attempt had any effect on him whatsoever, it was hard to do so when he looked like.. like this. He hadn't been able to get a good nights sleep in days, not to mention the fact that in worrying about the other boys' well being, he had forgotten to take care of his own.

He was angry. Angry at Dazai, at himself, the world, angry at everyone and everything. It just wasn't fair. Why did someone with such an exceptional life want to end it so badly?

Chuuya curses at himself for having those thoughts. He knows it's not Dazai's fault, that it's really just the way his brain is wired. But he still can't help but think about it.

His gaze fixes on the mirror once more. The boy staring back at him is unrecognizable. Over the past few weeks he's become thinner, paler, more tired-looking, and ultimately duller. He's not entirely sure if the person he's seeing in place of himself is even human. I'm a monster. Chuuya has told himself this many times despite his therapist insisting that it's unhealthy. Chuuya does not care.

As much as he wants to feel normal, the one thing he can never bring himself to accept is his humanity. Why else would he not remember the first 7 years of his life? 7 whole years. He cannot not remember a single bit of it.

Over the past 9 years he made up many stories to many different people as to why he couldn't remember his past, though his favorite to tell is that he'd been created in a lab, that he couldn't remember because he simply was not conscious at all during that time. Of course, his therapist heavily disagrees. She believes that his subconsciousness has been repressing his memories in order to 'protect' him or some bullshit like that. As if he didn't already live through it once. He survived, didn't he? So why won't his mind allow him to remember?

Feeling a little sweaty and on the verge of breaking the mirror, Chuuya turns on the sink faucet, splashing some water into his face in an attempt to ground himself. That's what he was supposed to do when he felt an outburst rising. When his blood boiled, when his head was so loud that his ears were ringing, when he felt like he was going to lash out at the nearest thing (or person) that he could. The sudden feeling of cold water hitting his face not only cooled him down physically, but mentally, too. However, he was more awake now than before.

After using the restroom and dragging himself back to bed, Chuuya picks up his phone to check the time; 2:46 am. He lets out a long sigh before realizing he has 3 new notifications, all from Dazai. So the universe won't let either of them sleep well, as expected.

Since the two of them met their first year of high school they always had that sort of connection, like the world had decided if they were to suffer, it would always be together. Chuuya never complained though. It was nice to know that he'd always have someone to lean on when he was in need.

He tries to always be there for Dazai, the same way he is for Chuuya, but Dazai has a habit of rejecting help. Chuuya came to realize that all he can do is hold onto his friend in hopes that he won't disappear one day. It's very troubling. All he wants is to help his friend, but he always puts on his act, insisting that he's ok. Bullshit. The numerous scars covering his body and his many suicide attempts say otherwise. Chuuya wonders often how Dazai hasn't landed himself in the loony bin.