Much Too Difficult

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Much too Difficult

She’s now realized why things have not been working out for her.

Why people don’t want to talk to her, take her places or simply be around her for a good time ..

She’s much too difficult to even bother to try and untangle, figure out. She’s a game that isn’t even worth trying to beat.

To be honest she doesn’t blame you, She wouldn’t want to deal with such complication either.

First glance, what did you see?

Honestly.

Did you see the dark eyes, the “try”?

Or did you see the girl who seemed like she wanted to be left alone?

She wanted to be your friend, she wanted you to walk over and introduce yourself and then ..

Fear of judging, insecurity glued her to the chair, she thought you were the intimidating one, you ..

She watched you walk away, casual glances in the hallways but not once an “Hey”.

She wanted to talk to you, you wanted to speak to but they both thought each other’s words weren’t needed.

They didn’t see beyond her dark eyes, straight face

Simply saw a face that didn’t want to play .

What if the situation was turned?

What if you had the courage to go up and speak to her, say Hello?

You did she responded, saying “Hello” back.

Her body stiffened, she was so tempted to play with her coils. She wanted to bite her brittle nails .. She was so nervous ..

What did they see?

A girl who didn’t want to start conversation, unreadable eyes.

Not at all an interesting soul just cold.

He thought she wanted nothing to do with him.

In reality she wanted too so bad but she didn’t want to seam weak and easy.

She wanted him to stay, take a seat ..

She wanted him to ask her why she always looked that way, she really wanted to explain ..

She didn’t grow up hurt or betrayed, she was just raised to be ‘strong, guarded with high walls’

Told not to be ‘predictable’ or ‘quick hit’ .

Quite frankly, she never felt secure enough anyway.

Whenever a guy spoke to her nicely, she couldn’t take it serious.

The way she felt about herself, didn’t show on her face but only beneath the skin.

Unlike other girls, she never covered up her insecurity with smiles and secret tears.

She covered it up with the serious face, dark eyes - the ones many didn’t stick around to navigate.

She wanted to tell him, she was gentle, funny, a good time to be around.

She wanted him to understand.

Ask questions! Ask questions, her brain repeatedly yelled.

Before she knew it, he said ‘Later’

She knew exactly what that meant, he probably wouldn’t try to speak to her again.

Either way the outcome would be the same, random glances in the hallway-no friendship built but really no loss because she was in control ..

She let something good slip away because of these dead eyes, this straight face,that made everyone stay away.

Even the ones that did stay and attempted to deal with her..

They’d bring up good past things and she’d pretend to not remember, when she really did remembers it, clear as crystals.

But, why?

This was an opportunity to spark something great, build her slow budding friendship.

It was like a war within her, one side craving for the very best and the other craving the very worst for.

It’s not fair, he’s been so kind and this is what she does ..

He’s been around so long and she won’t even give him a peek through.

Mean.

She realizes that there’s no one to blame when everyone decides they can no longer deal.

She’s much to difficult to even try

to bother and try to untangle, figure out. She’s like a hard game, not even worth trying to beat.

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