The next morning I'm all alone again in the big, beautiful, white room. The light is coming in through the white curtains and lighting up the whole room. I stuff my face in between the pillows in the center of the fluffy queen sized bed and think that maybe if I stay here for a while, I can just disappear into the ginormous blankets. I don't hear anything but the birds singing and I look at the vintage white clock on the nightstand. It reports back to me letting me know its only 6:30. I've got 5 more minutes, I decide.
I roll over onto my back and stare at the cieling for a bit. I notice the odd pattern it has. Waves of plaster, making it look like a giant, choppy, white ocean. I close my eyes again and I can see myself in a small raft in the middle of a great blue ocean, no company but the little fish I see swimming right by me. The rocking of the raft feels so real that I almost forget that it isn't. I open my eyes once more and sit up deciding that I'll have to get up eventually, why not now?
I practically fall onto the floor, just barely landing on my butt on the thick carpeted floor. From there I decide I don't care how I get out of this room or if I even get out at all. I fall onto my side, then onto my back and let my legs go up, resting against the bed. I almost fall alseep in this position until Ty walks in. He stops and looks at me for just a second then slowly backs up and shuts the door. I can see his shadow from under the door taking a step away, hesitating then coming back, trying to decide weather to come back in or not. He decides to open the door, very slowly this time.
"Rosaline?" He stands over me looking at my splayed position.
"Tyler." I respond calmly.
"What are you doing?" He's trying not to laugh.
"You know, I'm not really sure but I'll let you know when I figure it out."
"Alright. Fair enough." He turns around and walks out, closing the door behind him and I can hear him laughing down the hall.
-
After breakfast, we take seperate cars to school because he has football practice afterward. Before we leave he gives me a hug and a kiss on the forehead and makes a stupid joke. I laugh and tell him I'll see him there and we head off. I'm ahead of him the whole way there so when I get there and he's not behind me, I just assume I lost him at a traffic light. I head straight to first period and wait for him to come in. A minute turns into the full hour and when the class ends, he still hasn't shown up.
I figure he must have left something at home and went back to get it but I text him on my way to 2nd asking him where he went.
When he doesn't respond and still isn't there by 3rd period, I start to panic. I call him and he doesn't answer so I call both of his parents, neither of them answering either. The rest of the day I keep my phone on and next to me the entire time. I'm a ball of nerves and I can't pay attention to anything the teacher is saying because I keep thinking of the worst possible situations. What if he got in a crash? What if he was passed out in some warped piece of metal, unable to get out? What if he was on his way home and got kidnapped or something?
When the bell finally rings, I look for his car in the parking lot, thinking maybe I just overlooked him at school. It isn't there. I start the trip back to his house, turning on the radio in hopes that it will distract me. I'm so spaced out that I almost don't notice the red light. I slam on my brakes right as several police cars drive past me, sirens blaring, going in the exact same direction as me. I try to keep calm but I can't do it. I start crying and praying that everything is okay.
I drive a little faster than I should and when I get home, the cop cars are exactly where I'd been praying they wouldn't be; on Mr. and Mrs. Penn's driveway. I can't help but keep thinking no no no no no no over and over again. I stare at the cops talking to Ty's parents for a bit, steadily crying and my knuckles turning white from gripping the wheel too hard.
Suddenly I'm back at the accident 10 months ago, the cold dark January air pressing into the flipped car, me upside-down trying to wake my sister, screaming at her to wake up, not knowing yet that she never would. I tried for 20 minutes, getting out of my seat and sitting upright, trying to sit her upright as well, shaking her, screaming and crying. I finally realize she's gone when the firefighter pulls open my door, wrenching me away from her and I can't fight anymore. I dissolve into a ball of tears and screams, desperately trying to get her back as a paramedic takes me and sits me on the back of the ambulance. A paramedic woman embraces me hard and tries to calm me down, telling me to breathe, and everything is going to be okay but I can't stop staring at the car and thinking what have I done?
The scene of the bent black car going up in flames is on a loop in my head until a police officer knocks on my window. I snap out of my daze and I wipe away the tears as I roll down the window.
"Are you Rosaline Adams?" The dark eyes of the police officer show sympathy and I have to choke out a yes. He nods. "We need you to come with us please. There's been an accident involving your friend, Tyler Penn."
Everything seems to be in slow motion as the cop leads me to his car, another cop opening the door to his own car for a weeping Avenlea and a straight-faced Zion. I get in and the ride passes in a blur.
