Prologue
The serenity of the night showed dominance, as I walked through the street— no one could be seen. It was like I was the only one in our town. Ngunit ganito lang talaga ang bayan namin kapag gabi na. Naglalakad akong mag-isa, kagagaling lang sa university namin. Afternoon schedule kasi ako kaya gabi na ako nakakauwi.
I choose to walk rather than commute to save my allowance. Being a college student is hard when you're having difficulty financially. Yung tipo bang naubos na ang allowance mo pero hindi mo masabi sa magulang mo kasi nahihiya ka na.
Since I started studying in college, I realized a lot of things. It was indeed... fun during high school days. Being a college student, you may start to face challenges. Physically, emotionally, academically and financially. Unless you are fortunate enough that you wouldn't experience these kinds of hardships in life.
Nang nasa tapat ako ng convenience store, naisipan kong bumili ng ice cream. For my therapy— ice cream therapy session. This serves as my coping mechanism for how fucked up life was.
I went to the freezer to look out for my favorite ice cream brand and flavor. When I spotted it, I quickly got it and went straight to the cashier. The cashier smiled at me and I was taken aback since I was not that approachable. I tend to avoid conversations. I just smiled a little.
“Evan right?” He asked while punching the ice cream, the price flashed on the little screen. I did not reply and handed him the money. “Avoidant?”
My brows furrowed since he was trying to initiate a conversation. Like, can't he feel that I was not comfortable talking with strangers?
“Ah, sorry. What were you trying to say again?” I just couldn't stop from being nice. I don't want to treat him badly even though I don't feel like saying a thing.
“Here, thanks...” He simply said, handing me the paper bag and the change. “Evan.”
I received it carefully and just nodded at him to acknowledge his presence. I went out of the convenience store without minding him even if he was staring while I was walking away from him.
I got my notes and fixed my study table for my study session while eating the ice cream I bought earlier. I need to study for our upcoming midterms since I failed some of our quizzes and I got low scores with performance tasks. I was not prepared, to be honest, that college is draining.
Kung nalaman ko lang, edi sana hindi ako nag college.
Kailangan kong aralin ng maigi ang topics namin, more on situational exams kasi kami. Kasi nga, nag psychology major ako. Minsan kapag natatapos ang isang exam, lalabas kang wala sa sarili. Maiiyak ka nalang talaga.
The questions were easy, but the choices were not.
Wala kang masasagot na tama. Kasi lahat tama naman, pipiliin lang daw ang best answer. Pero hindi naman kasi natin alam kung nasaan ang tama, minsan napapagbasehan natin ito depende sa sitwasyon at sa tao mismo.
Maaring tama para sayo, maaring mali sa kanila.
Kaya siguro lagi nalang akong bagsak sa exams namin sa major subject dahil wala na akong nagawatang tama.
Lahat ng frustration ko, ginugol ko sa pag dila sa ice cream na binili ko. Dahan-dahan ko rin itong sinubo. Na naging dahilan para ma realize ko na iba na pala ang ginagawa ko.
Sana magawa ko rin sa iba.
Wala na talagang ibang pumapasok sa isip ko kundi ang pagiging anghel ko at pagiging inosente.
Naubos ko na lang ang ice cream at kahit anong pagbabasa at pag-unawa na gawin ko sa binabasa, walang ni isang topic ang pumasok sa utak ko. Talaga bang psychology major ako kung wala akong utak?
