Breakeven - Benvi Story

Let Her Go

Ben couldn't help feeling a bit thrown after Saanvi broke the news over their usual Monday morning coffee and cartoon routine with Eden.
"So, I actually have something to tell you," she began, toying with her mug awkwardly. "Alex reached out to me recently. We've...been talking again. And decided to give things another shot."
It took Ben a beat to process her meaning. "Alex? As in your ex girlfriend, Alex?"

Saanvi nodded, a shy look on her face. "Yeah. We've ran into each other at work a few times the last couple weeks, and...I don't know. The spark is still there."

A tiny kernel of something like disappointment unfurled in Ben's chest, taking him by surprise. He did his best to tamp it down, pasting on a supportive smile. "Well, that's...that's great, Saanvi. I'm honestly really happy for you both."
Her eyes searched his face like she could detect the faint waver in his tone. But then she seemed to relax, returning his smile. "Thanks, Ben. I was a little nervous to tell you, honestly."

"Why would you be nervous to tell me?" He forced an easy chuckle. "We're just friends, right? you deserve to be happy after everything."

"Exactly." Saanvi reached across the table to squeeze his hand quickly. "You've been such an amazing supporter for me lately. I'm lucky to have you in my life."

Ben swallowed hard, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze back before she withdrew it. Why did he suddenly feel like he was the one being let down easy?

This was good news, he tried to reason with himself. After that one night spent increasing the complicated intimacy between them, a little distance was warranted. Saanvi finding love again, even if not with him, could be the clean breath of fresh air they both needed.

And yet, the thought of her being with someone else, lodged a lump in Ben's throat that he couldn't seem to dislodge.

He did his best to hide the strange melancholy that persisted all through making the kids' lunches, wrangling them out the door and dropping them at their respective schools. Saanvi kept shooting him sidelong glances like she could sense something was off.

When they made it back to his place, Ben knew he should probably debrief a bit before Saanvi had to head into work. Get it all out in the open so he could move on.

"Hey..." he began, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "I really am happy you've found someone, you know? You deserve that second chance at love."

Saanvi regarded him steadily, seeming to pick up on the undercurrent to his words. "But...?"
Ben blew out a long breath, struggling to articulate the knot of feelings inside. "But...I don't know. I guess I just got used to having you around so much, you've just been such a huge part of my life, Our lives. The kids adore you. I just...I'm gonna miss this version of us."
The words hung heavily between them in the empty living room. For a long, charged moment, Ben was afraid he'd overstepped some line, made things awkward again.

Then, with a look he couldn't quite read, Saanvi slowly stepped in closer until she was just a couple feet away. "Ben...you know I'm not going anywhere, right?"

Her voice was low, intense, seeming to pull the air from Ben's lungs. "Whatever Alex and I have...it doesn't change the way I feel about you. About our family."

"Our family," Bens heart fluttered.

She reached out, cupping his cheek with her palm in a touch so achingly tender that Ben felt his eyes starting to sting with unexpected emotion. "This isn't goodbye. I'll always fight for you, and the kids. No matter what."

He covered her hand with his, struggling for words around the lump in his throat. "Saanvi I...you have to know that you're everything to me. To us."

Her soft smile was like a balm, even as a complicated swirl of yearning and adoration and loss churned inside him. Whatever unspoken thing simmered between them, it was held in permanent suspension, unacknowledged.
Eventually Saanvi seemed to pull herself back, clearing her throat. "Well, I should get going. Can't be late for work."

Just like that, the moment passed, their carefully constructed normal re-establishing itself. Ben trailed her toward the door, that strange hollowness in his chest persisting.
At the threshold, Saanvi paused, turning back toward him. "I'll see you guys tomorrow morning, okay? For our usual breakfast shenanigans."

Closing the distance between them in two strides, she rose on her tiptoes to press a soft, lingering kiss against his cheek. "I love you, Ben. Never forget that."

As she pulled away, Ben could only nod mutely, speechless by the sheer intensity blazing in her dark eyes before she turned and left.

He stood in that spot long after the front door clicked shut behind her. His cheek still burned of her delicate kiss.

No matter who else came into their lives, his world continued to be utterly bound to Saanvi's in a way he didn't think either of them would ever fully understand.

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A shorter chapter but next one will be a lot longer!