Collection of Fanfictions

The Inner Turmoil of Luke Skywalker

How could Ben lie to me? I thought that he was always truthful with me. I thought that we were good friends, but I guess not. All the things he's ever said to me could have been a lie, and I would have just been too naive to notice. I believe everything, that's the problem with me. But the one thing I don't believe is that Darth Vader could be my father. I will just never see the connection. He's far too evil to have ever had anything to do with me. He's probably only using this as a tactic to get me to turn to the dark side. He knows I'm too powerful as a Jedi, and the only way I can't defeat him is if I'm on his side. But there's such a pull when I'm around him, almost like the force is trying to tell me something. But I won't believe it. It's probably just Vaders mind games, trying to get me to turn to the dark side. I'll never, and he should know better than to try to get me to do it. All I can do is stare at the ceiling. It feels like it's been hours, but I can tell it's only been a little while. I turned over on my side in case that would make it any easier to sleep. I looked down at my hand. It looks so real yet feels so weird, knowing that this wasn't the hand I was born with. There's just so many things that I could do with this hand...

I suddenly thought about Yoda. Yoda knew about Darth Vader, and he didn't tell me. That little green dolt. I can't believe he would keep such a thing from me. From the moment I landed on Dagobah I knew that something was a little shady about him, I just didn't know what it was until now. He hid it from me and never made an effort to tell me. I don't understand why everyone feels the need to hide things from me. I'm not a kid anymore, and people need to stop trying to protect my feelings as if I were one. Especially Leia. She kissed me. She kissed ME. I just don't understand why. I can't stop thinking about the feeling of her lips touching mine. Especially the way she grabbed me, like she really needed me in that moment. Something felt so weird in that kiss though, almost morally wrong. I can't place the feeling, it's unlike anything I've ever felt before. What could be wrong with what we did? I mean, I like her. My eyes widened at the realization I had just made. "No," I said out loud. I took the nearest pillow and buried my face in it, trying to drown out every thought I just had. I can't like her. A moisture farmer and a princess? That could never work. She's way too good for me. She deserves someone who can treat her like the princess she is and isn't seen as a kid by everyone. I wonder what would happen if I confessed this to her. No, I can't. I can hardly confess this to myself, let alone her. I can already see this disappointment in her face when I tell her. But she did kiss me, there's no mistaking that. There are even witnesses if she tries to deny it. I'm sure she won't. Maybe she could like me. I mean, I know I'm just a farmer at heart, but maybe she likes that? No, scrap that. I can never let her know how I feel. It would just make things too difficult when they already are. Sometimes, though, there's something special in the way she looks at me. Like she knows what I'm thinking without ever having to say anything. I know that we have a connection, there's no doubt about that. I just wish I knew what kind of connection it was.

There's just so much betrayal. Not just from Ben, but from everybody. If Darth Vader really is my father, then he's the one who has betrayed me the most. He tried to kill me! I could never say that for Ben and Yoda. At least they were on my side. How could he still try to hunt me down knowing that I'm his son? I know that he wants me to join him, but he doesn't really want to be my father. He only wants me on his side because I would be his most powerful ally, as I'm already his most powerful enemy. He cut off my hand. I can't stop thinking about that moment. The second he claimed to be my father was the most betrayal I've ever felt. How can he cut off his own sons' hand? I guess he really might just be that evil. But if he really is, then he isn't the person I want to claim as my father. If he really is who he says he is, then he'll change for me. He'll leave the dark side and try to be a hero like he once tried to be.

As much as I tried not to think about Leia, the more I did. I just can't get her off my mind. The kiss keeps replaying in my mind over and over again. It just all feels so wrong. What if she just did it out of pity for a poor Jedi in training? Yet again, what if she did it out of love? I can't stop imagining scenarios where we're on matching T-65 X-wing starfighters soaring across the galaxy together. Where we go back to Tatooine and prove to everyone that we can be together. It just doesn't seem right at all. The Force is giving me a feeling that it's not my fate to end up with her like that. Just because it's telling me that doesn't mean I can't dream about it.

The only thing I can think of that would get in the way of our being together would be Han. Every time they're together it almost seems like I'm invisible. I see the way he looks at her. No matter how much he insults her, or makes snide remarks directed her way, I know that there's something hidden under all his sarcasm. He makes those same comments towards me, but he never looks at me the way he looks at her, which is very telling about the way he really feels. I mean I get it. Leia is beautiful. She's more than that. She's confident, powerful and strong. She's stubborn. She's absolutely the kind of woman that somebody like Han Solo could handle. What if she thinks that I can't handle her? Is that the real reason why she would rather be with Han? Maybe I should try to be assertive and cocky. If I were more like Han, she'd be bound to like me. I imagined myself walking with the arrogance that he always has, always so sure of himself and confident in his ability to tease Leia into being with him. That's just not me, no matter how much I try to make it. She might not even like him. I mean, she does insult him. She doesn't seem like she thinks very highly of him half the time. It could all be an act, though. She could be doing all this just to avoid hurting my feelings. I still get the feeling that there's something going on with them though. What if the kiss was all just for jealousy? What if it was just to prove a point? Boy, that would be bad. It would mean that none of it was actually real, and I was just imagining everything she was feeling towards me for nothing. How can she even like Han? I mean, he is pretty scruffy looking, just as she said to him. Sure, he's a good friend to me. He's one of the best friends I've got, and I want him to be happy. I want her to be happy too. But I just can't stop feeling as if he doesn't deserve her. She deserves someone who won't insult her and treat her like she's beneath him. Someone maybe like me. You know, maybe it won't be that hard just to tell her how I feel. I've been so busy being negative about this situation when I can just open up and get it over with. That way I'll know my answer and I won't have to sit in my bed and ponder all night. At this point it's probably practically morning. The toughest part of this entire thing will be having to actually tell her.

How am I going to bring this up? Walk up to her and casually just say "Leia, I think I'm falling in love with you?" That's about the stupidest thing I've ever heard! Maybe I should go up to her and grab her in places I could never touch on my own and blame it on my malfunctioning new hand? No, definitely not that. If Leia really does like me, then she would have to like me for what I already have. Maybe the trick to this whole thing is just not to plan out what I'm going to say. Maybe it's just going up to her and saying everything that's on my mind. She always seems to understand me. Something is telling me that she's still awake too. I think I'm actually going to do this. If I'm really her friend, she'll listen to me. I might just get the answer I'm looking for, but I'm prepared if she doesn't. I pushed my blanket off me and sat up. I stood up and walked to the door of my room. As I opened it, I knew that I was ready for my answer.