Quarter Life Crisis: a 9-1-1 buddie fic

I won't wait around while you make up your mind

Tommy, my partner at the station, explained a lot to me about being queer and working as a first responder, when Buck was on medical leave.

Tommy gets me. He's a pilot so he understands my army medic journey and trauma. He's openly gay, and he's dated men before.

He's like my new mentor on and off-site of work.

Something Buck clearly can't provide at the moment for me since his leg is injured and he's got stitches, and a child to take care of.

"Dad, are you going to watch me ride today?" Chris looks up at me after his trainer has helped him tighten his helmet.

"Not today, bud. I have to take a call. I'll see you after your lesson. I'm going to run some errands and then Carla will pick you up. Don't forget to thank Lucky and Emily," I wave to Chris' trainer and whisper to her about the pain my son's been in since his teenage growth spurt.

Chris has a doctor's appointment tomorrow to get his crutches adjusted. I'm hoping I don't have to take up extra 24-hour shifts to pay for medication or surgery after the doctor evaluates him.

Eddie: Yeah. I'm at Chris' equestrian therapy. Headed to my car.

I type out the text casually since I have no idea what I'm going to say to him.

He already knows it's my off day since it's on the work schedule at the station.

I have to face him one way or another. Our kids are best friends. Besides, I have to talk to him about Chris' art summer camp which he definitely did not get into. 

Buck: Can you come to my place? I would drive but I can't and Maddie has Amelia for the day. ;/

Eddie: Sure, do you need anything?

I am so confused. I think I'm bi. I love Buck. I loved Shannon. I'm not gay like Tommy. And I'm forgiving the guy that hit me with a crutch.

I mean the least I could do for him is get him groceries since he has stitches and a broken leg but yeah. I don't know if we're friends, friends with benefits, lovers, or enemies now.

Buck seemed to be so sure of himself and he kissed me first. He said he was bisexual at first. He seems so confident at work and attractive and wanting attention. Wheres, I am just here and I don't know the first thing about coming out as queer with a son.

Buck: I need to apologize to you for being a jerk the other week.

Eddie: I'm driving over right now

Should I love him or let him go for Chris and Amelia's sake?

And is it a sin that I developed a crush on Buck after Shannon died?

When I arrive at his apartment building, I park my car and sit there for a few minutes thinking about how I'm going to approach this situation.

1) Despite Chris not getting into art summer camp, I still need to pick up more shifts to save for the down payment. 

2) Yes, Buck accidentally hit me in the side with his crutches, but I empathize with his feelings of being replaced and jealous.

 3) I adore him, but for the sake of our children and because I'm not as confident and open about my sexuality as he is, I feel it's best to let him go.

4) Damn, we really need to have a conversation about Tommy becoming my partner.

5) I completely forgot about the kiss in the stairwell and the confession at the hospital. I've been so busy with Tommy and Christopher.