Number eight

Mistake, Number one

"So," Number one says, "I was thinking we could hold some sort of memorial service for dad. Say a few words at dad's favourite spot. Under the oak tree. And, Klaus, put that out. Dad didn't allow smoking in here."
Klaus sighs, before shoving the end of a cigarette into a nice pillow. I smile as he says, "Allison, you have lovely skirts."
Luther continues, "We need to discuss some other things. Like how dad died."
I get a bar of chocolate to come to me, and take a bite as Vanya says, "I don't understand. I thought they said heart attack?"
"They did," I snap. Luther says, "The last time I spoke to dad, he sounded strange. Told me to be careful who I trusted."
I sigh, "Luther, he was a paranoid, bitter old man. He was starting to lose his marbles."
Luther shakes his head and turns to Klaus, who immediately starts groaning. I sigh as Luther says, "Look, I know you don't like to do it, but I need you to talk to dad."
Klaus looks at me, his jaw dropped, and sighs, "I can't just call dad in the afterlife and be like, 'dad, can you just tell us how you died', can I? And anyway, I'm not in the right mindset?"
"You're high?"
"No, I'm Klaus."
Luther rolls his eyes, and carries on saying, "And then there's the issue of the missing monocle."
"Not a single person here cares about your stupid monocle," Diego hisses. Luther says, "It's worthless. Someone wanted it because it's personal."
"What are you trying to say?" I ask. Diego scoffs, "Isn't it obvious? He thinks one of us murdered dad."
I get up, and begin walking off. Luther mutters something, and I snap, "Be right back, just off to go murder mum."

A rushing noise sounds from outside a few hours later, and I sprint to the garden. My heart pounds as some sort of electrical black hole is sucking things into it, and I scream as Klaus runs towards it. He throws a fire extinguisher at it, and it is thrown through. I'm pulled behind Luther, and I gasp as a kid is flung out of it and is fades away. The kid isn't any kid either. It's number five. Klaus mutters, "Does anyone else see little number five, or is that just me?"
"I can see the dead," I gasp.
"I'm quite obviously not dead," Little number five rolls his eyes. Good to know he hasn't changed.

We all sit in the kitchen, staring at him. I say, "It's been seventeen years."
"It's been a lot longer than that," number five snaps. He flashes out of view for a second, before coming back with a butter knife. He continues, "I went to the future. It's rubbish, by the way. Nice dress."
Klaus beams, and Number five says, "I got back by projecting myself into a suspended quantum state version of myself that exists across every possible instance of time. And it would make more sense if you were smarter. Boring, boring, boring. I was there for forty five years, give or take."
"You're fifty eight?" I scoff.
"No, my consciousness if fifty eight," Number five rolls his eyes again, "Bodily, I'm only thirteen. Delores kept saying the equations were off. Guess I missed the funeral."
"How do you know about that?" Luther asks. Number five looks at him, his eyes wide, before asking, "What part of the future do you not understand? Heart failure, huh?"
"Yeah-"
"No."
Number five nods, before walking out the kitchen. We all look at each other, and I ask, "Does he enjoy being infuriating?"
"I DO!"
"I'm going to hit him," I whisper, "Thirteen in body my foot. I'm going to slap him so hard."
"You can't slap a thirteen year old," Luther sighs. I argue, "Not thirteen. Fifty eight. I can't really slap an old man though, can I?"

                                                                                         ***
The funeral is more miserable than I anticipated. We all walk silently to the oak tree, with Luther carrying the ashes. Mum asks, "Did something happen?"
We all silently look over at her, and Diego whispers, "Dad died, remember?"
Mum nods, turning to Luther. He sprinkles the ashes, which all fall to the ground miserable. I assumed there would be more, and Klaus clearly knows why there are so little. Pogo looks at us all, and asks, "Does anyone wish to speak?"
Nobody says anything, and Pogo continues, "In all regards, Sir Hargreeves made me who I am today. For that alone, I shall forever be in his debt. He was my master, and my friend, and I shall miss him very much."
Diego sighs next to me, and I groan as he snaps, "He was a monster. He was a bad person, and a worse father."
"Diego-"
"No, Florence, my name is Number two. Do you know why? Because that monster couldn't be bothered to name us," Diego looks at me, "Do you think he was a good man?"
I hold out my hand, trying to get him to get under the umbrella. He begins yelling at Luther, and I snap, "Diego, please. You can see it's upsetting Luther."
"He had to ship you miles away," Diego spits, "Because he couldn't stand the sight of you."
Luther swings, but misses. Klaus next to me begins laughing, and chanting 'hit him'. I state in horror at the both of them, wiping my eyes and blinking. Number five storms off, and I scream as Ben's statue is punched and falls, smashing. Diego pulls out a knife, and throws it so it hit's Luther's arm. Luther staggers off, and I snap, "Diego, you idiot. Why would you do that?"
Vanya looks between us, and Diego spits, "Got enough material for your sequel."
At that, everyone storms off, leaving me alone in the rain. Or at least, I thought so, until Klaus scoffs, "That was fun. Don't mind me, just walking over to daddy dearest."
I watch, sighing as he takes the cigarette and shoves it into the pile of ash. He dances off, and I walk over to 'Father'. I hiss, "I know I should pretend to miss you, but you made my life miserable. MISERABLE."