✓│𝘐 𝘊𝘢𝘯 𝘚𝘦𝘦 𝘠𝘰𝘶 (Bella Ramsey x Reader)

14. Honesty

why'd you say you were filming?

Oh. A very audible sigh escaped your lips as your eyes went over the messages multiple times, the feeling in your gut only growing stronger. Why had you lied to them? It was such a stupid, useless thing to lie about. Bella would have understood if you were hanging out with Emily.

Even though you wanted to give in so bad, and just apologise to them, you knew you had to stay strong. Commit or walk away. That's what Emily had said. You had one hell of a decision to make, but it was yours. 

well i was about to start filming

why does it matter

You tried to remain as dry as possible, not wanting to give in already. It felt wrong being so mean to Bella, but you needed time to think it all through. Though it might seem like an easy choice to others, you weren't sure if you were willing to commit to long distance, especially so early on.

Yes, you had a lot of fun with Bella. They brought out a part of you you thought was lost, and yes you could catch yourself thinking about them every fifteen minutes, but what did that mean? It wasn't like you had a lot to compare this feeling to. This thing with Bella contained a lot of firsts.

As you put your phone away, not wanting to wait it out, multiple buzzing sounds indicated that they had already replied to your messages. The feeling in your gut grew even stronger while you opened your phone to check the new texts.

bella<3

no worries!!

i was just wondering

i dont mind hearing the truth next time

you can always be honest with me

The way they were still being patient with you made you want to cry, and that was simply not in the cards right now. There was no way you would be seen with tears in your eyes during your very first day on set. You shook the feeling off, and turned off your phone. 

It only came to you then, that you were supposed to go out to grab dinner with the rest of the friend group, including Bella. Though the fact that you and Emily were on talking terms again made up for a lot of things, it didn't make seeing Bella any less dreadful.

You couldn't let them know how you were feeling, if you weren't even sure of what it was yourself. Besides, it wasn't going to be a big deal now that you had become friends with most of the others.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

While you were getting ready for the night at your apartment, you slowly felt the nerves building up. As much as you didn't want to ruin everyone's night, it almost felt impossible to stay calm around Bella, and these thoughts went through your mind long before you even had to face them.

Luckily, Emily was the only one you would be sharing a car with tonight, leaving no room for Bella to interfere with that aspect. You hadn't told Emily about the messages yet, and for a second it didn't even seem important enough to bring up. This was until you thought back to the deep conversation the two of you had just days ago, reminding you to be as open as possible to your best friend in the entire world. Telling them about the texts felt like the least you could do. 

The car ride wasn't as quiet as it had been when you weren't telling them about things, which caused a huge wave of relief to wash over you. "It'll be fine. Maybe you can talk to them tonight?" The brunette suggested, quickly changing their mind as they saw your disapproving face. That was possibly the last thing you wanted to do tonight.

"You'll be fine either way, you still have time." She reassured you, leaving you with a little more confidence about tonight as you neared the restaurant you were supposed to meet at. Before walking into the building, you felt yourself taking a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself for the night that was ahead of you.

Of course, Bella was already sitting at the table with a few more of your friends, making it hard for you to look away as they were wearing a suit. And not just any suit, the suit. One of the first things that made you realise you were into them was this exact suit. It almost felt as if this was their way of teasing you.

The suit brought you back to one of the first times the two of you crossed paths on a balcony, this specific encounter leaving you with so many thoughts and questions you swore you were going to go insane. You forced yourself to look away from them as you took a seat, greeting the rest of the friend group as the small talk begun.

As the rest of the group started sharing stories with each other, you fought the screaming urge to let your eyes linger onto Bella. Even the food and conversations couldn't distract you from the person who was sitting on the other side of the large table, as you continued to feel their presence throughout the night.

Knowing they were just a few feet away from you made it almost impossible not to look over at them, but you managed to do it. After most of you finished the main course, you excused yourself to go to the bathroom. "Want me to come with?" Emily asked, a slightly concerned expression on their face as they attempted to study yours.

"No, it's fine." You shook your head softly, a soft smile on your face before you made your way to the restroom. The only reason you used this excuse, was to catch some breath without having Bella's eyes on you. Throughout the entire night, you swore you could feel their eyes solely focused on you. Sure, this was most likely an exaggeration, but it did feel like it.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, tucking a few strands of hair behind your ear, and forced yourself to slowly breathe in and out. Not even a minute had passed when you heard the bathroom door open, the one person you were dreading to see standing in the doorway.

The tone in which your name fell from their mouth almost made you tear up right then and there, but you still refused to look at them, your eyes glued to the large mirror in front of you. "Please just look at me." Their voice hit a soft spot in your heart, causing you to give in for the first time all night. 

"Bella..." You tilted your head, an ache in your heart as you witnessed the sad expression on their face. It made you want to pull them in for a hug and never let go again. "I need some time. I just- It's all a little too much for me right now." You excused yourself, brushing past them as you made your way back to the table.

It wasn't until you were a few feet from the rest of your friends when you noticed the tears that had managed to appear in the corners of your eyes. Before anyone else could see them, you wiped them away. 

☆☆☆

𝘿𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙫𝙤𝙩𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩!

𝙄𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙨 𝙢𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙥𝙨 𝙨𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙢𝙮 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮!

AN: Extra uploadd!!! I'm planning on uploading the other chapters Wednesday and Friday, so keep an eye out!!<33

Anyways I can't believe there's only 2 chapters left to this story, it feels like this project has been going on for so long now, and it'll be so weird to let it go:( Your comments along the way have helped keeping me motivated, aswell as making me emotional, you all are too sweet:(

Wordcount: 1809