Tangled Hearts [On-Going - Slow Update]

CHAPTER 16

The sun was about to rise, and with tied hands, we went downstairs together. I had the hardest time of my life, hiding the sadness in me, as we walked out of their house. We're the last ones to leave the place, soon to be abandoned—and so will be my heart.

His parents already waited in the car, calling him to come in, and I know, he'd turn to me. With a bittersweet smile, he spread his arms and wrapped them around me. There, I held no tears anymore, and finally freed them all. "I love you, CJ," I cried.

"I will miss you too, Blaise," he replied, with the last warmth of comfort from him. I knew he wouldn't say it back, but when I felt another soft touch of his lips on my neck, I knew the curse of longing would soon begin.

Even though there was a trace of regret on his face about what we did last night, he accepted my apology and he still sees me the same way as before.

And I knew he wouldn't love me the same way he did to her, but the words of his promises brought my hopes back to life. "Promise, I will come back," he whispered in my ear, before he finally pulled his arms away from me.

He turned around and headed to the car, leaving me alone with my broken heart.

His little sister Clarisse and Ate Pechay waved at me, crying too. There, Clarisse was trying to reach for me through the window, as she screamed for my name. "Kuya BB! Kuya BB!"

Her cry made me realize I will miss her voice, the only one calling me Kuya BB.

As soon as Tito Clint started to drive their car out of the neighborhood, CJ took a final glance at me through their window. It was his turn to wave his hand as his final goodbye to me and to his hometown. I may have hated him for almost all of my life, but I loved him, too.

Fuck you, CJ. Now, I have to start missing everything about you. Don't you know how much I wanted to run and scream your name as you vanished from my sight?

I bet you don't.

But, I hope you do.

Before the sun could even reach me, I ran back to our house, straight to my bedroom that awaited me. There on my bed, I hopped out of sadness, cursing his name in silence.

And I remembered...

I took some little steps past the gates of our new house. I'm here outside as the noise of the kids seemed inviting. They were playing some games, something I've done with my friends back in our province, but it felt new to my sight, with these new faces of innocence running around on the rough ground.

I was too shy, so I watched them instead at the corner. And their joy filled the air— I found it so contagious that I smiled as they took turns to throw their slippers to the empty sardines can, guarded by a chubby kid in his white sando and black shorts. He's been standing for a while now, because his playmates couldn't hit the can.

One kid left and threw his slipper. This time, it flew the can out of its circle, and they all ran to get their slippers. The can landed beside me and the chubby kid ran to get it. I handed him the can, which he took quickly. But instead of chasing the others, he faced me.

"Bago ka ba rito?" he asked, with crossed brows.

I nodded. "Can I join?"

"Ano muna name mo?"

"Blaise," I replied.

He lifts his hand towards me. "CJ."

I gladly accepted it for a handshake. "Sali ka sa'min!" he officially invited me.

I followed him as he ran back to his playmates. He introduced me to them, and they started asking questions about me. But most importantly, I became their newest playmate.

Most of the time, when we play in pairs, he chooses me as his partner. We have shared toys, food and almost everything that our parents, who eventually became friends, decided to send us to the same school. There on our very first day of class, Denisse was also our classmate who happened to be just our playmate at first.

We grew up together since then, doing well in studies and ended up betting who would grab the most ribbons and medals every year, until we became much closer than we ever expected.

After elementary school, we started exploring ourselves but even though we were venturing in different fields, we still remained great as a trio—humble and proud of each other, never having hard feelings. We strived together, and bonded like real siblings.

Life was good back then. If only we didn't entangle ourselves with each other's feelings, maybe we would still be together now. Maybe, Denisse's house would not be empty for weeks now. Maybe, we graduated together and celebrated the end of our high school lives. Maybe, I wouldn't be out there earlier this morning at their gates, crying as CJ bid his goodbye.

Maybe, I wouldn't be hoping he will come back and long for his touch again.

This was an internal torture to me. I'm left with nothing and no one to call when I need someone to talk to and attempt bringing joy into my life. I'll be alone.

But, Dylan's name flashes on the screen of my phone. There, I was reminded of all the time I spent, trying to find the kind of love I wanted with him. For a while, I see a glimpse of peace and delight in his arms, as I descend from the pits of hurt CJ caused in my life. Is it worth asking if he will be my escape from all of this mess? Is he worth all my life to spend my love on?

Or shall I still hope that this will subside and everything will come back when it's time?

I really don't know what to do at this point at all. My thoughts are on a race back and forth, running all at once.

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.