own me

37| crazy

"felix, I wanna talk about something."
hyunjin said.

it was Saturday, and the two boys were now eating their lunch in their house, made by their chef.

"mhm. what do you want to talk about?"
felix asked with his mouth full.

hyunjin sighed.
"promise you won't get mad at me."

felix looked at him, feeling a little uneasy.
"you're scaring me."

"no, no, no, you don't have to be scared, it's just something that...I don't know, I wanted to ask you."

felix looked at him, still not convinced that he could relax.

"do you want to....meet and talk with your parents again?"
hyunjin said.

felix choked on his food, and hyunjin quickly gave him his glass of water.

"why would you ask me that and ruin the amazing food im just eating."
Felix whined.

hyunjin sighed.
"just...hear me out, okay?"

felix looked at him, unimpressed, before nodding.

"this isn't about me, lix. It's not that I want you to speak to your parents, or that they want to speak to you so they are forcing me to say this to you. no. I'm thinking about you here. we will be marrying soon. do you really not want your parents on your wedding? you don't want your parents to see you get married? yeah, I know that this situation is a little different then the normal marriage, but still. wouldn't you regret it? and I'm pretty sure your parents are missing you too."

Felix was looking at hyunjin, before looking down at his hands.

he was right.
he and hyunjin were going to marry in a week and a half.
yes, it was fast, but the place he and hyunjin chose only had this date available for the next year, because someone canceled the reservation, and a year sounded too long, so they decided to get married so soon.
wouldn't felix feel sad if his parents weren't there?
would he regret his choices?

"I don't know if I want to, or if I'm strong enough to face them. I care about them so much, and I'm so grateful for everything they did for me, but at the same time, they sold me to you without any doubt. it made me feel so unwanted, like I'm a piece of trash. I hated that feeling. yes, you're cherishing me in the best way possible, but at the same time, I can't get over the fact that they decided to use me for money. I'm a person too."
felix said.

hyunjin took Felix's hand and gently squeezed it.
"hey, I'm not forcing you into anything. it's not like you have to do it, I just wanna make sure that you won't regret it."

Felix sighed, burying his head in his palm.
"we're marrying in less then two weeks, and none of my closest friends know that I'm even engaged. we still have to do so many things, like suits, flowers, everything, and I didn't even tell my best man that he will be my best man. at the same time, I just started working as your personal assistant, and I still have to learn a lot. there are so many things to do, and I'm afraid that we won't make it in time. it's stressing me out."

hyunjin took Felix's second hand and held both of them, gently, like if Felix was made out of glass.
"hey, don't stress yourself about it. we won't go to work this week, so we could fully concentrate on our wedding, okay? you can meet every person you want to invite tomorrow and explain everything, and then we can dedicate the week for the hectic planning. so don't stress yourself, okay? this is supposed to be one of the happiest days in our life's, and I would hate if you didn't enjoy the planning, okay?"
he said, giving Felix a small smile.

felix sweared that he stopped breathing for a second.
"why are you so sweet to me?"
he said, looking straight at hyunjin.
( a/n: pfff, as if this mf didn't know the answer already 🙄 )

hyunjin brought one of Felix's hand closer to his face and gently kissed the top of it.
"because I care about you, felix."

they kept staring at each other, not daring to look away.

but after a while, it was too much for Felix.
he shook his head and took his hands out of hyunjins, standing up.
"uhm, sorry, I need to go to the bathroom."
he said and walked away.

he quickly ran to the bathroom that was connected to his and hyunjins bedroom and he locked the door, letting out a deep breath.

what was happening to him?
was he going crazy?
and more importantly...what was hyunjin doing to him?

why did he feel this weird sensation running through his body as hyunjin kissed his hand and told him the sweet words he loved to hear?

and the worst thing was that hyunjin confessed that he was falling in love with Felix.
was this even what Felix wanted?
why was he so confused?

and...why did he like to wake up next to hyunjin?
breathing his scent every single morning, hyunjins arms wrapped around him, became his heaven.
his safe place.

he started to get addicted to the feeling of not being alone.
having hyunjin by his side made him feel...complete?
it made him feel comfortable.

and...why didn't this feel like a contract anymore?
why didn't he see it like it actually was?
hyunjin bought felix.
then why was he feeling like they were actually so happy together, without any money involved?

this was scary.
why did it started to feel so...real?
why did he love this situation more then he should?
and why did he caught himself more then once thinking about the way hyunjin held him so gently as he placed his lips on top of Felix's, and how hyunjins eyes were filled with love and admiration?

Felix was so confused.
was he loosing his mind?
he must have been.

because there was no way he actually fell for hwang hyunjin.