alright so i've spoken about this before briefly but i had like REALLY fake friends from year 9 to 11 and i never really realised how much it fucked me up. and this also serves as a warning as well as a rant about these girls because you need to see the warning signs of fake friends.
so for some backstory in year 9 my mum passed and of course i was distraught ( why wouldn't i be ). but i also had like huge abandonment issues cause of it so i was always worried they would leave me out or that i'd be a burden.
WARNING SIGN NUMBER ONE: a real friend would never allow you to feel that way and would reassure you that it wasn't the case.
so these girls were really nice to me and were checking up on me all the time but they were still being really odd with me like not really caring about any of my interests or stuff i did outside of school that i'd be excited about.
WARNING SIGN NUMBER TWO: good friends would want to hear about this and uplift you as much as possible. don't fall for those who dont and don't assume it's because they're in a bad mood. it's not the case they just hate to see you win.
( the only reason i didn't notice was because i wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt and my mum was the only person who gave me advice so i was screwed. )
then i noticed that all we talked about were boys and other people which first of HARAM!!! ( most of us were muslim ) and second off gets boring really quickly and just reflected badly on us. so one time they tried to shittalk this one girl who didn't even do that much and i was defending her with my life. she didn't deserve it and it felt like they wanted someone to hate on which was an ick.
WARNING SIGN NUMBER THREE: if all they are concerned about is other people then it says a lot about them as a person ( i.e. they're boring af ). also if they're so comfortable talking badly about other people in front of you and being nice to their face, who's to say they won't do it to you.
then there was a shift in energy and all of a sudden they had inside jokes with each other without me and they had planned stuff that didn't include me and talk about it in front of my face ( honourable mention warning sign ). they just seemed a lot more withdrawn and bored with me and were downright rude. now me being the overthinker i was, i already saw right through it and told my therapist who just told me i was deeping it ( i was indeed not deeping it ). the worst bit was that i already told them about my issues being vulnerable and they would watch me ball my eyes out and just look around at each other annoyed. i was told it wasn't all of them but still.
HUGE RED FLAG: if people don't take your emotions seriously they don't respect you and you deserve better. move on. simple as.
now me being as forgiving as i am, i stuck it out and just hoped it was them just being weird. then i just didn't want to stress myself out because i have anxiety and didn't want some rando girls ruining that. also it was midway through year 11 and i had no other close friends. the worst memory is when they literally didn't notice i left and didn't bother to help me find my stuff. still pissed about that. it was really hard to stick it out because being with such toxic people drained the life out of me and made me a lot more quiet than usual. i'm a shy person but i'm not silent but they genuinely made me feel awful.
ANOTHER HUGE RED FLAG: if you feel in any way drained by someone, that's a sign not to be friends with them because you're not yourself around them and it's just bad for your mental health. it also shows you're not comfortable around them whether consciously or subconsciously and that's your gut telling you that this is not a good friendship.
so come to year 12 and i find out that ALL of them had been talking behind my back saying i was draining them and 'really depressing' when i would grieve my own mother😐. they also found it annoying whenever i cried and didn't want to hear about it. yes you heard that correctly. they would also say to my only good friend that she was being judgmental because she didn't want to join in and told them she didn't like what they were saying ( she was a real one fr ). so obviously this reinforced my pre-existing insecurities that i was annoying and a burden and i couldn't be emotionally vulnerable WHICH I TOLD THEM ABOUT. the worst part was they were still acting cool with me and acting like they didn't say that. only one of them refuses to speak to me and tbf at least she wasn't fake about it. but honestly one of my lowest points because i felt that everyone was leaving me.
LAST HUGE WARNING SIGN: you should never feel insecure about your character around your friend and they should never use your insecurities against you.
and this is a message: instead of sticking it out and choosing to ignore the signs like i did, go where you are loved because istg it will come back to bite you and you'll be beating yourself about it. this goes for relationships and jobs and all sorts. don't give people that level of grace that they weren't willing to give to you. but you can still choose to forgive and let go FOR YOURSELF!! don't do it for them do it for you!!!!
now does that mean i've taken them back? hell no. but have i forgiven them? yes. partly because i can tell they've changed and some of them seem remorseful and one of them has apologised. but still they aren't going to be getting that vulnerable side of me again.
karma did get them in the end because the friendship group had fallen apart. over a boy 😐. over the same ugly boy 😐.
thank you for listening to my ted talk. sorry that i was ranting and giving you unwanted life lessons but i needed to let it off my chest.
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