𝐁𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐬; ᵍⁱˡᵇᵉʳᵗ ᵇˡʸᵗʰᵉ

[05] 𝚋𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚗𝚘𝚠

★

"𝘏𝘦'𝘴 𝘢 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘯, 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺," 𝘉𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘢 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥, 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 on her fathers grave. A few centimeters of snow surrounding her. "And I care for Gilbert. Even though he's stupid sometimes. I don't want him to become an orphan," she lowered her voice. "I can tell his father's end is near like I could tell yours. Pa, I miss you. I love you. I hope you can hear from down there. I hope we can meet again. I just want to hug you one last time. Ma misses you more. She won't leave her bed. She won't even look at me. Did she only love me when you were here?"

She frowned to herself, shifting over so she was leaning on his tombstone now. "If you really can hear me, don't worry. I'm alright, I pray for your well being every time I'm not speaking. Does it not matter more when it's from the heart? Bye, Pa, I love you a lot." She stood up, kissed her hand and placed it on her father's tomb. Then moving on to her brother's grave to kiss. "I love you, Lucas. Be well." 

More light in spirit, Bella skipped home.

★

After serving dinner, Bella wore her nightgown and crawled in with her mother. The first time she'd slept with her for many years. She awoke, her mothers back facing her. "Good morning, Ma." She loved how she always smelled of bar soap and vanilla.

She imagined her mother replying, she kissed her cheek in return. She felt unexplainable dread when her face was concerningly cold. Sweat appeared on Bella's forehead.

"No. No, no, no, no!" she murmured, her voice barely escaping her lips. 

Her hands trembled as she held her mother nightgown, shaking her until she heard a groan. She put a hand to her heart. "I love you, God!" she smiled, she was not alone, not yet. 

The girl got ready for school with an unwavering smile. There was more to be thankful for. She met Anne and Diana discussing death. "Can we please take a more cheerful topic?" Already thinking about this herself. 

★

Had she known Diana would come running to her door to bring uninvited news then Bella would have spent those last moments with Gilbert and John Blythe. He was dead. Gilbert's dad was really dead. Diana ran to her door, in all black. The mood was dark too.

"He's dead, the funeral is today." 

Bella shut the door on Diana in disbelief. Dead? She couldn't resist pinching herself to see if it was true. Her last parent didn't die, but Gilbert's did. Gilbert. She had to see Gilbert.

She dug her closet for black. The dress she wore in her father's and brother's funeral had already been long since burned. And probably much too small. Her mother's room was next, she knew exactly where her dress was. 

"Ma. John's dead. You hear me right?" she hovered her mother for a mere second. She didn't expect any response but it did seem right to tell her. She opened her mother's drawer that hadn't been touched or opened for such a while that Bella was surprised that it did.

When she found the dress, she hastily put it on. "Bye Ma!" she told her as she slipped her boots on. She took Gilbert's scarf, forgetting it wasn't her own. She ran fast to find Gilbert, it seemed as if he had already left his home. He hadn't even bothered to lock the front door. Bella then ran to the cemetery, it hurt to run so much on an empty stomach and a day as cold as this one.

"Gilbert?" she weaved through all of John Blythe's past acquaintances that gathered at his funeral. There he is, she thought. He was at the front unable to look from the grave. She remembered how much it pained her to see her father, her brother to be buried into the cold ground as if they were a seed.