𝗚𝗥𝗔𝗖𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗧𝗢𝗢 - 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘃𝗲𝗹

𝟬𝟰: 𝗪𝗢𝗥𝗟𝗗'𝗦 𝗪𝗢𝗥𝗦𝗧 𝗣𝗜𝗭𝗭𝗔 𝗡𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧

Nat isn't angry in the end – or at least, not as much as I thought she was gonna be – so I take Mr Fury's advice and focus on being grateful about things. Sometimes I do this inside my head, but today, I get my notebook out and write it all down.

Nat calls this stuff 'grounding,' like my Count Down and Cool Down thing, and she makes me practise it all the time. I have to do deep breaths and tell her all the things I can see in the room, or count imaginary sheep, or sometimes just lie down on the floor and stare at the ceiling. It's supposed to be good for me, said the therapy lady I had when I was little, because apparently I am a Very Nervous Little Girl.

I always thought the reason I couldn't breathe very well was 'cause of my asthma, but supposedly – a big word that Maria taught me – it's also because I get scared by lots of stuff.

I don't think it's true, though. Not that true. I can watch scary movies and go to the Haunted House on Halloween, and I got rid of the spider in the bathroom all by myself last Tuesday. It's just other stuff that makes me scared.

Like when Nat goes away on missions or when they have to take my blood for Gracie Soup, or when the aliens in New York wrecked everything and I shoved Cooper Barton because he was too nice to me and I felt like I was going to explode. I don't think I was really scared, though. They were just big emotions.

Big emotions, Nat says, are what happens when I don't talk and let everything build up inside my head. I guess that's what the grounding's for. I make lots of lists when I'm grounding. They help to make up for all the words I don't say.

So far today, with me sitting at the kitchen table and Nat ordering food, my list looks like this:

GRACIE'S LIST OF THINGS TO BE GRATEFUL FOR: by Gracie Sarah Rogers, age 8 years and 8 months.

1. I haven't gotten sick in four whole months, which is nearly a record.

2. I have a dad, who is alive and actually very nice.

3. Miss Carter remembered my name for two whole minutes, and she didn't call me James in front of my dad, which is always good.

4. Nat is in a good mood, which is good for everybody, because she's always in a good mood with me but she can be reallllyyyyy rude to other people sometimes. It makes Maria super mad.

5. I get to eat pizza in five minutes.

6. Liho hasn't thrown up on my carpet in forever.

I get stuck trying to think of number seven, because I'm tired and I actually just wanna watch Powerpuff Girls on the sofa, so I look up to tell Nat but she's already on the phone to somebody.

"Nat?"

"Give me a minute, ангел. (angel)" She murmurs, putting her hand on my head and tucking the phone into her neck. I go back to chewing on my pen. Number seven is really hard, and I'm starving, which I'd also like to tell Nat, but she's busy listening to the phone and digging her nails into my hair.

"Ouch." I say, very quietly, but she doesn't notice. That's weird. Nat notices everything. One time, I ate one single Reese's Piece, only one, and she still found out. It's super creepy.

One of her fingernails suddenly goes right into my head like a very small knife, and it really hurts, so I forget to be quiet and make another 'ow' noise, but she still doesn't let go of me.

"Nat, I don't like it," I say, and I look back up at her again.

She is white as an actual ghost. If people could die standing up, I would think she was dead.