1746, Lallybroch
He heard his sister and Ian talk about it often. While Jamie was healing on the couch he heard them, when he was outside for a bit of air, he also heard them. The question was always the same, no matter where they talked or how long. It was always 'Where is Claire?'
After nearly two months, it was time, Jamie decided and so he called for them. ''I ken yer wondering where..... Claire is,'' his voice stopped right before saying her name. ''And I get it, I show up here... without her... it must awake question,'' tears were already burning in his eyes, causing both Jenny and Ian to be worried.
''Right before Culloden I.... I saw how dangerous it was. We, Scots, didna have any chance of winning. The English weren't friendly before or during the war. I only I imagined how they'd be after. I didna want... Claire to have tae go through that,''
I look up to their faces and meet eager looks. ''She tried tae convince me and take us to the colonies, America. But I refused... I had to fight that war, and now Claire... she's gone,'' I say, the same pain I felt the past weeks stabbing me again.
''Where is she? Did she go to the colonies?'' Ian asks after a few moments. I look at them, both look tired, sad and worried. ''She's gone,'' I repeat. Jenny looks down, and I notice a tear slipping down her cheek. It breaks my heart even more, I realise it isn't just me who just lost someone important. Jenny and Ian just lost a sister. One they never had, then they did have one and now she's gone again. And that's my fault.
''I'm truly sorry,'' I whisper. Jenny sits beside me and takes me in her arms. ''It's alright, it isna yer fault Jamie,'' I cry in her arms for a few minutes while she strokes my back and whispers soothing Gaelic words. ''Grieve Jamie, grieve for her, we're here for ye when ye need us,'' Jenny says and I can hear her own voice crack a bit.
''I should've just gone to the colonies with her.... we would've been happy there...'' I say after a couple of minutes. ''But you needed to fight your country's honor, Claire understands that, believe me. She'd be proud of you,'' Jenny reassures me.
I go outside for a few minutes and just stare into the woods. ''Oh Claire, I wish I could turn back time so I'd still be with you, Mo Grádh, I love ye, please dinna ever forget me,'' I whisper, the wind blows in my face while tears stream down. Claire would always be my now and forever, My Sassenach.
