Marauders - Always - Part One

Cold Ostrich

He stopped suddenly, feeling his cheeks burn as he worked on the shading in the bend of her knee, the curve of her foot. He swallowed the lump rising up in his throat... but there was little to be done with the lump rising up in his lap. He swept a nervous palm over his forehead and quickly looked away from her - down at his sketchbook - but she was there, too, and he looked away, eyes toward the wall, trying to get himself together.

Bloody hell, he thought. Sirius would actually kill him if he knew what had just gone through Remus's mind.

He felt his cheeks burn red.

"We're going to take a short break," called the instructor, "Give our model a rest. Be back in fifteen minutes."

Everyone in the room started shuffling about. Remus didn't dare look up. He knew all the canvases and drawing pads on the tables around him would all contain variations of Lula's body, posing, suggestive, before them... and students to Remus's right would have more detail on the crisscrossed arms and the curvature that lay below them.

"Remus!"

He froze, his heart thumping in his chest.

"There you are! You left last week!" Lula's voice was accusatory.

He slowly turned to look up at her. She'd pulled a robe around her shoulders and tied it off at the waist, but it was far looser and thinner than Remus was sure what to do with. "Sorry," he mumbled. "Stewie was... uncomfortable... and I went with him."

Lula laughed, "He shouldn't be uncomfortable - and honestly, it isn't any of his business. Especially not anymore."

"Anymore?" Remus asked. 

But Lula barelled on, "This is great! I'm really excited. What do you think, Remus? Am I doing alright? Modeling?" Luckily before he could answer, she'd reached for his sketchpad, setting herself on the chair beside him, and looking at the drawing he'd done so far. He'd sketched her waist down, caught the bend in the knee, the shadowing of her contours, and some incredible detail on the texture of the chaise. Remus had drawn only the most basic of outlines for her back and shoulders, for her cheek and the silhouette of her face. He hadn't even done any shading and no detail whatsoever in those portions. He didn't dare to look at her face when he was drawing. "Good start, sweetie," she said, grinning. "Gracious, you're so talented."

"Thanks," he muttered.

Lula opened a bottle of water she'd been holding, and put his sketchbook back down on the table as she took a sip.

"Spencer didn't come at all today?" Remus murmured.

"He doesn't want me modeling," Lula said flatly. Clearly this was still a very touchy subject between them. "He has such a double standard. He was fine when that dirty old man was here posing, it's just art, he said - but just because I'm a woman he thinks there are people in the classroom that'll be turned on by it. He's being all sexist and stupid..."

Remus shifted so his lap was more securely tucked under the desk and out of sight.

"He's just worried about you, that's all," Remus murmured. "Some of the fellas aren't exactly focusing on the art, if you know what I mean. It isn't just a sexist thing... it's just... true." He flushed as he said it, knowing he was partially implicating himself.

Lula laughed, "Well so what? It isn't like I'm going home with any of them!" She smirked and elbowed Remus, "You're the only one who would have a shot at that and you certainly don't care about a couple boobies, do you?" She grabbed onto her chest as she laughed, and he felt his heart seize up.

He wondered if she had any clue what she was doing to him. He decided she must not. He gathered up his strength and courage, intending to explain in a patient way, but the most he managed to do was a murmured, "Lula..."

She stared at him, at how he was squirming before her, and then her eyes widened with sudden realization. Well, at least she really hadn't had any idea what she was doing, Remus thought. 

Lula blurted out, "Oh my God. Remus. Are you -- are you bisexual?"

Could his skin grow hotter without actually catching on fire? Probably not.

"Oh my God. I - Why are all the men in my life bisexuals lately!" She looked horribly embarrassed, her face bright red. Apparently it was a much better idea, being a model, when it didn't affect someone she knew. Lula clutched her robe tighter around herself, as though embarrassed, as though she hadn't spent the last hour naked in front of him already.

"Sorry. Just - I mean. That's why Spencer's uncomfortable, though, isn't it?" Remus said.

"No, I'm sorry," Lula said. She looked around, "Remus, I didn't know I was -- shit." She looked at the door, the instructor coming through, returning from break. She looked back at Remus. "You should leave."

Remus looked at his unfinished drawing, "But --"

"Leave," she said sternly, and she got up and went back to the front of the room, still clutching her robe around herself.

Remus sighed, but he packed up his pencils and things into his briefcase anyway and he followed the command, heading out of the classroom and into the hallway, out to the quad. He threw himself down onto a bench in the far corner of the yard and opened his briefcase to neaten things a bit since he had basically just thrown them into the case in his rush to get out of the classroom before they started back up again. Remus's knees bobbed with anxiety.

A shadow cast over the briefcase as he was putting things away.

He looked up and found himself staring into Spencer Stewart's face.

"You came today," Spencer said.

Remus nodded.

Spencer sighed and sat down.

Remus hesitated, then turned to Spencer. "I left because I found myself... being attracted to her," Remus admitted. He paused, hesitating again, then added, "I'm sorry."

Spencer shook his head, "She's hot, you should be attracted to her. Even if you're gay. She's the kind of girl gay men go straight for, Rey." He looked over at Remus, then looked away. 

Remus closed up the briefcase.

Spencer was playing with the handle on the top of the tackle box he kept his drawing tools in. "We broke up last night. Officially."

"Over the modeling?"

"That and things that came up while arguing about that," Spencer answered, shrugging.

Remus sighed. He could feel the weight of Spencer's frustration and pain. It was clear he needed to talk to someone about how he was feeling, and if Lula was his best friend and the person that was causing him the pain... he likely had nobody else to talk to at the moment. Remus felt rather obligated. "I know you have another class later but - d'you want to skive off and go get lunch?" 

Spencer looked at Remus and there was a beat of hesitation, a pause that Remus didn't notice at the time but when he looked back at the moment months later, he realized if he'd been a bit more observant he might've counted that as his first clue to everything that would follow.